This ever-changing reality

Isn't life amazing? Amazingly crazy? Yet, God is good. Here I am, still jobless, with a life that is everything other than what I would have expected and for that, I am thankful. I'm so happy and changed and, conversely, in every way the same. It feels like the sense of humor has stayed the same, but enhanced. Vision has been a little blurred, tunnel vision actually. The last four months have been me, here, living with my family. If anyone reading this knows me, you'd be aghast that I survived. Maybe. You'd also know that I love my family more than anything in the world, but the me from awhile back would have said no way! My mom and I agreed on very little, and the one thing we agreed on? That we could only stand each other in small dosages. Well, two things. We both dearly love our Starbucks treats. So, how is it that I managed to not only manage, but have come to enjoy my time, I'll say it, more deeply appreciate my family and let them in so that now they are no longer on the outside of my life looking in, but know my life more intimately than any other people? Well, God, obviously. Come on people! I told an occasional friend about the situation and as I sat there shaking my head in wonder, she said, "I don't know how you do it either. I mean, sober???" I laughed. At that point, it was by choice. Then I gave up alcohol for lent. Now, I've had a drink or two, I almost hate to admit it, but the point is, no, no alcohol as a means of escape.
It's so weird. I love dancing, but like most other things it has been a private experience. Now, all of a sudden, I've joined the church "dance crew." Which, I'm so not ghetto, but I do love dancing. The other catch is that most other members..okay...all other members are younger than me! Uhhh, I'll roll with it. So, here I am trying to remember how it feels to not be dancing in a club, with an audience full of those with not-so-glorious motives and me being perfectly alright with that! Most of the time, anyway. So, this is a change. A stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm really happy.
I wish I would have catalogued my journey to joy...I probably still could. It all started last week...let me find the verse. I didn't, but it doesn't matter. I'm looking to God for my joy, for my salvation, for everything and it has made all the difference.
So, I'm still looking for work and I'd like to get more serious about that. I am still adjusting to the way my body is dealing with living in the land of plenty and much rest in God's presence, but it's all good. God's will be done here on Earth and where I need correcting I have faith my father will give me the strength to overcome.
I'm not used to having people rely on me again. I mean, my friends can, of course, and I've been growing accustomed to family things and the dog, but all these church functions!?! I feel confused. Is this what I want? Am I being a commitment-phobe? I'm not a person to plant roots, really. I want to be able to get up and go and now God's telling me to stay!?! Or, should I not give myself away like that? The funny thing is, I already know it isn't the latter. One problem is that I don't want to disappoint people and I also don't like when things fall off of my plate. Well, the saying "God won't leave you there" just got real. I know He won't and I'm loving it. I guess that's all for now. Good night everybody.
Oh wait, one more thing. Because I haven't left this topic out of my journaling since, I don't know, ever, the guy situation is, scarce. Scary. Odd. Incredible. Perfect. Unusual. Nothing specific. Obsolete. yeah, most likely, the last one, but that's okay. It's like learning to walk again.. how do you go from secular dating, and I mean hard-core, A grade worldly ideas on dating, to the Christian scene. I have a feeling this is going to take forever for me to figure. Just a guess, but I tend to take my sweet time whenever learning something new!! Well, I'm out of school, who would have thought I had SO much learning left to do...a life time's worth really. I guess that's something worth rejoicing over. Now, good night everybody and may God's love be with you.