Any given day of the week ;)

What keeps us down? Thinking negatively. Is it beneficial to think you can't or will you succeed far more when you think that you can?

I'm not sure what I'm writing right now, I'm tightly coiled and trying to relax. It has been a day full of family, full of shopping, full of good things, but also short on personal time or space. I love my family and this need for time away has nothing to do with my feelings changing towards my husband, or towards my sister, or my step-dad or my mom. See, I used to think that it did. I used to be haunted by these feelings, but I'm starting to realize that perhaps we all get them and what matters is what we do in moments like these. I need to write, I need to run, I'm fighting off anxiety. I need more to my life, I, I, I. Am I really so selfish? God, I wish you would lead me. What is it you would have me to do? Why can't I feel whole and complete in every moment?...

Today was good. We went to the movies, saw The Hobbit. I've literally been waiting for more than a year to see that film. And it was awesome!
It got me thinking about the connections between that world and the biblical world. Dragons and giants, heros and courage. Hidden treasures and how they eat at your heart. Relationships and hope. Hope for a happy ending when all you might see is persistent corruption. One difference between the film and real life, the ugly side is plain out hideous. No glitter and glam covering up those evil minions. Nowadays, it isn't so easy to tell! What is evil? Where is the "good side?" On whose side can we cling when all hope seems to be lost? Who would you go to if you knew you were the last one holding onto a vision of restoration for a lost cause, that glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel? All questions from The Hobbit, but of course, they really come from the conception of an idea from J.R.R. Tolkien. It was genius, really. A world outside of our own that allows people to hope because we don't realize that is what we are doing while watching a film. Hoping for the good guys to win, hoping for a rescue mission from every trap the heros fall in.
Hope is so far gone from today that some choose to mock those who insist on believing. Am I wrong? How do children treat that one child in their class who still naively brightens at the thought of Santa visiting on Christmas Eve? That child is mocked and scorned and perhaps worse yet, is told he or she is wrong. It sounds cruel right, but how much crueler are those who have lost their faith in a Heavenly Father, the giver of all good things, to those who firmly choose to believe? They mock, they curse, they raise themselves up superiorly and "explain" how Jesus couldn't possibly exist. But, Jesus isn't a man who rides on a sleigh, nor is his existence tangible. It is, however, the same as love. You feel it, you experience it's existence and therefore know it is real. Now, I'm willing to bet if you have given up on Christ than you might not be so keen on the idea of love, so let's say believing in Christ is the same as what you feel when you are having fun. You know you feel it, it takes you over, you begin smiling, laughing, perhaps becoming so out of your mind that you forget yourself all together and look at the communal laughter spreading around the room. That's fun, or joy. Something Jesus promises to you when you choose to believe in him.
So, the difference between Santa and Jesus? One's gift is wrapped and put under a tree while the other's presence will never go out of style, and once you have it, you can give it away and still have plenty enough to keep. Jesus is good, is what I'm trying to say. During a time in my life when I could feel down and out, grumpy and stressed, or  addicted to booze and out on the streets, I'm turning to the one I call my saviour and I'm standing up and believing in Faith. I'm holding on to Hope. I'm asking others to love one another and to spread good cheer. I want as many as can to hear about Jesus because I'm starting to reason that His love is the best gift I have EVER received. Maybe I'm lucky to have the mother I have, the husband I do, the family who cares so much about one another, but I don't think so. I don't believe in coincidences that strong, otherwise I'd have won more raffles and hit the jackpot at least once all those years ago.
I heard it said once that what you have when you have Christ is not richness in gold, but wealth in relationships and ever since last year, this time exactly, I have had just that. I love God and all the amazing things that have happened in my life since I gave Him my heart. I'm so thankful and grateful and, I'm learning, gratitude can take you a very long way.
I pray I can keep this joy. I pray that we can put an end to negativity. I pray that you hear these words and allow your hope to be (re)kindled, that you will allow yourself to believe that the maker of the heavens and the earth has thoughtfully formed you, that He loves you inside and out and wants you to get to a place where you can curl up in a ball, blanket draped snugly over your body and rest. That you can rest softly in His presence and think of all that you've done and have peace and then, to go one step further, that maybe the next time you are laying down and realizing how much love you have, you will be encouraged to give some of it back to the people surrounding you. I pray blessings around you and your family and that you get all that you are willing to give. God willing. Good night and good year! May we all have the courage to do what we dream of and the blessings and grace to achieve that and that the warmth to continue giving. Amen and Merry Christmas,
love always and sincerely,
Jennifer Cotham.
Sweet Dreams!!! :)

My life is like...

When it comes to blogging, I'm doing fine. I feel adequate and comfortable. When it comes to laundry, I check it off my list. I'm going along "doing just fine" and then, "Wham!" It hits me. I haven't a thing to do in my world that has meaning or creates an impression of who I am. Am I being negative? I have titles, Christian, Wife, Daughter, Cousin, Aunt, Friend and each position has adjectives attached: nice, cute, friendly, hopeful, fun, strict, moody, loving, compassionate, reliable, responsible, prompt, selfless, but at other times very much selfish. There are duties, also, that I am required to do in each position that I fill: call, talk, share, love, caress, feed, nourish, play, laugh, speak, pray, pray, and pray. I am required to do dishes and other chores, write, read, and maintain an approachable level of hygiene (this one is demanding in more than one surprising category). The point is, I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders at the moment, but the truth is, God does not require us to fulfill any societal pressures. The most reassuring verse in the Bible, for now, came from Proverbs 31 because it taught me to pray that my husband would have full confidence in me as his wife. If he feels confident in me, then I suppose I should feel the same as well. If I'm praying for everyone else, I have many more people to pray for me, too. In every situation I could think about what I give out or what I gain in return. The second category is FAR weightier than the first. Think about it, I do minimal work for my mother, but in return receive love when I pray, when I see my husband, when I see my mom, etc. It is an amazing cycle.
I have a great life. I eat when I want to, more often than not. I can bundle up when I get cold or use the air-conditioner when I am warm. I have a shower to use daily, if not, extravagant as it is, twice a day! My clothes are easily cleaned in the washing machine and dried in a similar fashion. I have books to read and all the opportunity in the world to educate myself. I don't want to squander any of it and I don't want to mumble along the way... I am struggling for self-expression when all the while it is me who threatens my ability to see myself clearly. What seems to be the problem? I grow stagnant. I get bored. I get greedy and I get complacent. What is it I would like to do?
I would like to write a book. I would like to love people and give them hope. I would like to fulfill my calling, I would like to be adventurous, I would like to live vibrantly, I would like to talk to people and encourage them, I would like to stop sweating the small things, I would like to worry less, I would like to walk my dog more often, I would like to show more love to my siblings, I would like to everyday pour all that I have out of me, I would like to bury fear and doubt and repression, I would like to kick any lies about those three former things square in the mouth and then stomp on their heads. I would like to know what makes me tick, what makes me smile and pursue those things, I would like to know the balance between pride and confidence, I would like to have confidence in my actions and in every moment in between. I would like to pursue my goals and my dreams, I would like to feel supported by my loved ones, I would like to embrace change and I would like to communicate more easily. I would like to rip the curtain away from the window in order to see every flaw and perfection more clearly, I would like to embrace my life more fully. I would like to live my life like never before and like I am no longer waiting for anyone else to get me going. I am no longer going to be held back by the small things, but I would like to wake up with a running start, no matter what it is that I'll be doing. We come into this world kicking and screaming and I intend, to the best of my ability, to go out exactly the same way.

Almost a new year!!!!

If I had anything to believe, it would be this. That NOTHING could separate us from Christ. Not the knowledge of sin in our lives, not rebellion, not an ugly heart, not the criticisms or judgements from anyone else, but that God loves us. No matter what. 

Romans 8:34- 39 "Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I rely on Christ to strengthen me and I believe in Him through faith and hope. Hope. Hoping that what I believe, what I walk by daily, what I turn to in an argument for the right words, the words which bring peace, all of those things I hope in, would be true. I hope because it makes me happy. It makes me gleeful to think that what I read during that fight were "coincidentally" the same verses from my daily devotional, which I read some hours later in the day. That's called the Holy Spirit speaking to me. No, it isn't a voice in my head. Thank the Lord. It is concrete evidence that there is, and can be, more to this life than mtv or celebrities would lead you to believe. Does it take a leap of faith? Yes. Is it contrary to what we are taught to do, ever since we stopped believing in Santa Claus? Yes. Is it absolutely worth it and can it be measured based on spiritual growth, maturity and health? Yes. Yes, actual physical health will improve as you follow God. I don't know how. I might never understand, but I'm believing and the more I do, the more in awe I become. The more I can't live my life with out Jesus, on a daily basis. As I look back on this year, I'm amazed at how everything has turned out. I might not be where I thought I was going to be as I left my college town one year ago today (maybe a day or two less) but I'm so much better than then. Its a blessing to have added Christ to my life and I'm looking for the next year so I can see all the changes and blessings He adds to my life. It's a good thing to be a Christian and I look forward to celebrating Christ's birthday, not the presents under a tree. 

As always, I hope everyone is having a good day and that hope abounds in our lives even more than ever before!

Love sincerely,

Jenn