That reminds me of an activity I did when I was in Italy this summer. If you put different emphases on the ending, I could be asking two different questions up there. I like them both.
Well, my semester is winding down to a close. I need to finish a paper and continue studying for an exam and then I'll be done. I'm still deciding on how and when I'll leave. I need to get my statements of purposes revised and lengthened and then submitted to two of my professors. I want to complete those grad school applications to the best of my ability before I head out. Not to mention the packing that needs to be completed. What a whirlwind. But an absolutely good one.
I'm looking for a job, this time as a college graduate!!! Who would've expected this level of excitement? I didn't. I'm nervous, too. Going home will be brilliant. I enjoyed talking to my professor the other day because he correctly identified how it feels, there is grief yet triumph. I liked that guy :) (in a total, he is a Dad figure kinda way).
I'm so blessed and thankful and I know my life will be great. It is a beautiful day, so I'm just gonna concentrate on that for awhile.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Life Changes
I sometimes forget that the life I'm living is my own. I get so caught up in what I should be doing or what others are doing, I forget that that time translates into things I am actively doing: worrying, worrying and oh yeah, more worrying with the occasional mix or sporadic activity.
Well, today is the day for cataloguing my things. I woke up, ate a chocolate croissant with my wonderful roommate. She's spent some time abroad so we usually have lots to talk about, even though on paper we are completely different (when I like country music, she likes alternative, I believe in God, I'm pretty sure she's an atheist, I'm from the South and she's... you get the idea). After breakfast and a cup or two of coffee, I headed out to take the GRE. It is an exam needed in order to get in to grad school. As I'm applying to a few schools for the Fall semester, I had to sign up quickly for the exam and I tried to study as much as possible over the last couple of weeks. This has been a little hard on me because the timing coincided terribly with finals in my last semester at SSU, along with preparation to move out of this place and back home. I'm the first to admit that I'm rather slow at catching on to transitions, so I'm trying to let it all sink in. Every where I go, I take note that this will probably be my last time in this place or that. I'm surprisingly okay with that, though. Hey, I might be back to visit. One of my best friends is here. She isn't the type of person I go running to with every detail, but let's face it, I don't have many of those people. That's kind of a weird fact. I have friends and family who I love dearly, but none of them are intimate. I've had some hard times adjusting to this over the past few months because up until now I was used to having at least one person who knew my every mood, all the good and bad and all that accompanies that. About Holly though, she is the kind of person I can talk to about any relevant topic on my mind, sometimes having more to add than I do and sometimes a great listener. She's a great person to be around and I'm really going to miss her.
We had lunch today, after the exam and we got to talking about future plans. I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm moving home. I know I'm lucky to have that option. I'm between jobs and trying to figure out what it is that I would like to do. I think the first order of business is to get some experience, maybe a car? Anyway, my life is kind of in limbo until (fingers crossed I get accepted) I get into grad school. That would determine what I'll be doing from Fall on out for a couple of years at least. Until then, I'm just going to try to find something I love. I think being surrounded by people who love me is a great way of finding that. I'll miss my independence for a bit though. I treasure the moments when loneliness is just a word and I'm able to get along with my thoughts and the music is on and the drawing of night isn't something to fear. I'll miss being up here, too. I've spent my adult life surrounded by redwoods and Bodega Bay. I've spent my time making memories on the walking paths and I know every single local Starbucks. It's going to be weird going home, seeing people I went to high school and potentially running into them or their family members, even. I just pray God takes me from here to there and everywhere else on this Earth because with Him, my last semester of college has been better than any other and I can only believe that this will continue.
So, finally, I'm graduating this week. If I can get through school this week, doing just two essays and two exams, I'll be done. I'm totally refelecting here, but I can't believe I'm the same eighteen year old girl that left high school imaging the day I would graduate college. I couldn't picture it back then, I was so bright eyed. I didn't even relate college to the same experience as I've had now. I wanted to learn, sure, but I wanted to express myself, I had a whole new opportunity in such a brand new atmosphere. Now, I'm glad to be leaving the experience behind. I'm changed, sure. More experienced, stronger, but in a way I'm still naive. What does the world have for me now? I know it is up to me to explore and figure it out and I can't wait. Like I said, I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have a mother who understands that I need to be independent and I want to feel like I'm making a decision because it is the right one for me, not because I should or because most people do. This doesn't mean I'm right, most of the time I haven't been, but I'm trying to listen to others now and I'm learning to not listen to just any old voice. Sometimes the ones I want to hear aren't the ones that are the best for me, and I know that. Part of me wishes I could figure it out right now, that I knew my next step and that I was excited to take it, but I don't and I have to be okay with that for now. It'll work itself out and I won't stay stagnant until then.
So, to anyone who feels what I'm saying, I wish you the best and I'll pray for patience for myself until the right timing comes along. I'll pray for wisdom to find the "right" thing or the knowledge to know when I need to make a change and the strength to continue following God's path for me, in other words, to continue asking for help and seeking the guidance that I know is right. Clearly, there is a lot going on and that is one thing to be excited about. I like being busy :) (I should probably be careful what I wish for, right?) hah, well, good night everybody.
Well, today is the day for cataloguing my things. I woke up, ate a chocolate croissant with my wonderful roommate. She's spent some time abroad so we usually have lots to talk about, even though on paper we are completely different (when I like country music, she likes alternative, I believe in God, I'm pretty sure she's an atheist, I'm from the South and she's... you get the idea). After breakfast and a cup or two of coffee, I headed out to take the GRE. It is an exam needed in order to get in to grad school. As I'm applying to a few schools for the Fall semester, I had to sign up quickly for the exam and I tried to study as much as possible over the last couple of weeks. This has been a little hard on me because the timing coincided terribly with finals in my last semester at SSU, along with preparation to move out of this place and back home. I'm the first to admit that I'm rather slow at catching on to transitions, so I'm trying to let it all sink in. Every where I go, I take note that this will probably be my last time in this place or that. I'm surprisingly okay with that, though. Hey, I might be back to visit. One of my best friends is here. She isn't the type of person I go running to with every detail, but let's face it, I don't have many of those people. That's kind of a weird fact. I have friends and family who I love dearly, but none of them are intimate. I've had some hard times adjusting to this over the past few months because up until now I was used to having at least one person who knew my every mood, all the good and bad and all that accompanies that. About Holly though, she is the kind of person I can talk to about any relevant topic on my mind, sometimes having more to add than I do and sometimes a great listener. She's a great person to be around and I'm really going to miss her.
We had lunch today, after the exam and we got to talking about future plans. I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm moving home. I know I'm lucky to have that option. I'm between jobs and trying to figure out what it is that I would like to do. I think the first order of business is to get some experience, maybe a car? Anyway, my life is kind of in limbo until (fingers crossed I get accepted) I get into grad school. That would determine what I'll be doing from Fall on out for a couple of years at least. Until then, I'm just going to try to find something I love. I think being surrounded by people who love me is a great way of finding that. I'll miss my independence for a bit though. I treasure the moments when loneliness is just a word and I'm able to get along with my thoughts and the music is on and the drawing of night isn't something to fear. I'll miss being up here, too. I've spent my adult life surrounded by redwoods and Bodega Bay. I've spent my time making memories on the walking paths and I know every single local Starbucks. It's going to be weird going home, seeing people I went to high school and potentially running into them or their family members, even. I just pray God takes me from here to there and everywhere else on this Earth because with Him, my last semester of college has been better than any other and I can only believe that this will continue.
So, finally, I'm graduating this week. If I can get through school this week, doing just two essays and two exams, I'll be done. I'm totally refelecting here, but I can't believe I'm the same eighteen year old girl that left high school imaging the day I would graduate college. I couldn't picture it back then, I was so bright eyed. I didn't even relate college to the same experience as I've had now. I wanted to learn, sure, but I wanted to express myself, I had a whole new opportunity in such a brand new atmosphere. Now, I'm glad to be leaving the experience behind. I'm changed, sure. More experienced, stronger, but in a way I'm still naive. What does the world have for me now? I know it is up to me to explore and figure it out and I can't wait. Like I said, I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have a mother who understands that I need to be independent and I want to feel like I'm making a decision because it is the right one for me, not because I should or because most people do. This doesn't mean I'm right, most of the time I haven't been, but I'm trying to listen to others now and I'm learning to not listen to just any old voice. Sometimes the ones I want to hear aren't the ones that are the best for me, and I know that. Part of me wishes I could figure it out right now, that I knew my next step and that I was excited to take it, but I don't and I have to be okay with that for now. It'll work itself out and I won't stay stagnant until then.
So, to anyone who feels what I'm saying, I wish you the best and I'll pray for patience for myself until the right timing comes along. I'll pray for wisdom to find the "right" thing or the knowledge to know when I need to make a change and the strength to continue following God's path for me, in other words, to continue asking for help and seeking the guidance that I know is right. Clearly, there is a lot going on and that is one thing to be excited about. I like being busy :) (I should probably be careful what I wish for, right?) hah, well, good night everybody.
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