I've held onto the belief that I am a modern feminist---but in light of some reading I've been doing recently, I probably need to scrape that label.
On the flip side, I'm definitely not ready to be labeled as a Martha Stewaet or "Suzy the Homemaker."
I'm leaning more towards the simple explanation that in practice, I'm a housewife, but in Spirit, I'm Rosy the Riveter.
I believe, 100% in a woman's right to work outside the home. I am also 100% thankful I married someone who supports my decision to stay home and raise our children.
And
Our
Road
Has
Been
Rough.
It's not like I'm the kind of girl to go, "Hey, I have no other aspirations, so yes let's have some kids and I'll stay home. I have nothing else I'd rather do."
I also wasn't chomping at the bit to find work once I had my first delivery. I wanted to spend every moment with my son more than anything I've ever wanted.
So, here I am, struggling with the complexities of my decision.
My husband and I agree. We want one of us to stay with our boys until they're three and/or ready for preschool. I breastfeed and tend to keep the kids close by so it would make sense that I stay here while he goes out.
And since I'm here, it makes sense that I would cook and I would clean.
And when you're doing something most days of the week, it makes sense that you would get really good at doing those things and that you would be comfortable juggling kids, and chores, and household duties "all in a day's work."
The only problem is the not getting paid part. All this work and nothing material to show for it. Sure, I'm greatly compensated for it in love and affection, but this zero sum makes my philosophy on feminism a bit wobbly.
At least when women were expected to stay home, they didn't have to try to prove how valuable they were as housewives. People already knew that. That's why there was a designated position for them.
Now though, it's like staying home is the equivalent of saying I'm a leech. A leper, or a saint. Depending on who you're asking.
I'm not really asking anymore. I'm not even defending. I'm just trying to come to terms with who I am daily (so NOT a liberal feminist, but oddly close seeing as I breastfeed) and who I have been for so many years---pro rights. Make your own decisions. Go big or go home.
But now I'm all, "it's a baby, not a fetus" and what not. I guess this is really easier said than done. Good luck to you if you're still trying to figure it all out. I'm getting nowhere.
