Good Morning World!

Have you ever done somethinng and automatically realized how much you were missing it, even if you didn't know beforehand. Maybe it is like that with a person, instead. Like you go so long without a friend, or a conversation with a relative, but once it happens, it's like you were given a drink of water. Your head clears up a bit and you see life in a new perspective, even though you thought you were seeing it just fine earlier. Another way to think about it is seeing a Monet and thinking it beautiful from far away, but as you get closer it becomes more chaotic, more smudged. Some act as if they have been fooled. They say, "From where I stood ten yards away that painting was so beautiful, but as I proceeded to draw near, I realized all its faults." Life is like that to me. I see it from far away sometimes, as if I were the abstract. The lines aren't clear and I am wandering around thinking everything is great, but I have an ideal picture in my head, not the reality. So, as the different events in life draw me nearer, I become confused. "Wait a minute," I say, "This is not the way I was viewing my life." The image is distorted, perhaps the clear blue sky is actually being threatened by streaks of gray and the shining stars I saw are flashes of lightening instead. Or, maybe the friends I saw when I was on the outskirts of my own life, placing distance between myself and it, perhaps when I start to embrace that life, that crazy, beautiful creation, and it was created, those friends turn into people I no longer recognize and the girl I imagined myself to be is someone different, entirely. Now, I happen to like Monet. I find the quality of his paintings increases the more intently I dissect them and can stare up close. That was the image he intended. Just as God has called me to view my life where He has placed me. Sometimes, the transition is hard. Sometimes I feel as though I am doing EVERYTHING wrong and, even at other times, other viewers of my very same painting will come along offering their opinions and they completely throw me off. But, should a fan of Thomas Kinkade ever believe they will accurately judge one of God's Monet's? I should hope not! Their styles are different and what they were trying to create was never meant to be compared and contrasted, but to be enjoyed. To be viewed and to be appraised for their respective worths. That's all I'm asking: let what I create have a purpose and let that purpose adhere to the following criteria:
1)Let all things give glory to God and His good works
2)Don't let the negative comments destroy the fulfilling of my purpose
3)Don't let the differences in style threaten my creativity
and
4)Don't let me go astray because I am not living up to some imagined standards; what I create was never mine anyway.
I just don't want to be judged in something I believe has little value anyway. Without God I wouldn't create anything. At the same time, I need to be able to voice my opinions with confidence. For example, if something is not going the right way, or the way I planned it, I need to stop. Give it up, but try again. Oftentimes while talking, I'll have to stop my speech midway and re-evaluate what it is that I am trying to say. Is that the best way of communicating? Probably not, but I do it because I want to be genuine in my talks. I want to be uplifting and glorifying to God. I don't want to be egotistic or naive; I have many constraints and I believe God wants to break those chains. I believe I have been holding in my speech for years because I was afraid I never had the "right" thing to say. And let's look at where I found my reasoning: magazines. "Guys don't want to hear you talk about, a, b, or c." Really? Because a(my friends), b(my job), and c(my family) pretty much make up my life. That clearly left me in a predicament. And what was I suppose to do then? "Listen." "Guys love to talk and it is rare so when they do, let them." Sure, but then I found myself listening to horrendous nonsense all the while wondering when it was my turn to talk and wondering if ever I'd be able to have a nonrestricted conversation with anyone. God says I can and I will. I can talk to Him about anything and I can't tell you how relieving that feels. The other thing is, if you ask for something, you shall receive. I'm asking for a partner who is a wonderful listener and who encourages me to talk. I have a really bad habit of drawing back, of only contributing my thoughts that I know will be appreciated or even reciprocated in a positive manner. I think that has its good points. However, thinking like that also has its drawbacks. Those are; I don't feel comfortable contributing brand new ideas, I don't like giving criticism even if I know it will be edifying- I don't like being the party-pooper and, in my own heart, the most painful reason is that when I deny my speech in the presence of a man, or anyone really, I minimize the importance of my thoughts, of my testimony, of my relationship with God, and lastly, it feels dishonest. I will walk away feeling like I have fooled the person, not intentionally, but out of my insecurities! It is a yucky feeling to have too because then fear sneaks in like this. "What happens when they find out I'm not really happy for them all the time? What if they finally come to the conclusion that I'm not as nice as they always tell me? What happens when they realize that I will stick up for myself as soon as I feel comfortable enough to tell them exactly how I feel?" I fear that I'm not good enough, I fear that I'm too serious, I fear that I'm not always religious enough or happy enough or funny enough or wise enough or organized, etc. What a vicious cycle! God doesn't believe any of that! He loves me just the way I am, but I can really beat myself up for things like that. That is why I know I need Him. I know when I'm praying He takes away the thoughts of self. I know that to Him I am good enough, so good in fact, that His only son would have died upon the cross for me alone, and then I feel so much better. I realize that I am precious and loved and I stop worrying about what the world has made me concerned with because in reality, not one of those insecurities above would matter if I were living my whole life with Christ as my head. Did I write that correctly? Did you read it right? I said, nothing I am worried about matters to Christ? Because I'm worried about the wrong things. I worry about those things, not because of how they reflect the kingdom of heaven, but because of how people will reflect on me! I'm strengthened and made whole in Christ, so as long as I keep walking with Him, people will be drawn to me. They will see the light as He has intended (think Thomas Kinkade now), but they might also have a different perception the longer they get to know me. He has created a being full of perseverance and faith, full of love and laughter, full of mercy and grace, but God knows, my life choices have not made me that way! I am only here because He saved me, I am only whole (or working on it) because He has allowed me this opportunity. My soul purpose is to be the canvas on which His work is reflected and from their the whole purpose of the work He has created is to reflect His infinite love and amazing ability. Sure, I'll be different from the photo on the wall next to me. I will be hanging in a hall full of Picasso's, Monet's, and other well known artists, but that never diminshes the beauty of all the photos that come before me or after me. In fact, one time when I was in England I was able to visit the National Gallery in London. It was huge and beautiful, and that was only the outside! In doors, to where I quickly ran due to the snowstorm we were in, was completely covered with works of art. I was in awe. I love staring at paintings because they make me think, they make me stop and wonder at their stories, all the detail that went into their creation. I see the artist standing over the canvas with painstaking attention to the colors, to the paints, to the creation and I am speechless. Even to the less abstract paintings, like fresh fruit in a bowl, I wondered how long it took to get everything just right and I wondered at the differences in painters. What is it to one who decided to sculpt while another picks up a brush and does a still life and yet to another who draws a picture so bizarre we stop and wonder if this is really art at all? Then I realized, we all do this. We all pick up our mediums and go about our business. We never stop to think if we are doing it right because we wouldn't be doing it at all if we didn't love what we were doing. That doesn't mean I don't dream of painting like Renoir or sculpting a Michelangelo, but that I am so happy when I know I am doing what I am called to do. When I am expressing His love through my gift, when what I'm doing has so little to do with me, but everything to do with what others will see, that's when I think I'm doing what I was called to do. In whatever form that may take throughout my life, through my days and even through the hours.
I'd like to end with the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr