My thoughts on love...

For what it's worth, I probably know nothing. Yet, this is a topic I could think about for hours. I don't understand it and I know it is different for everyone. I always thought that we loved people according to who they were to us. For example, I loved my pastor like a pastor and my mother like a mother; this set up my mental hierarchy of who received which allocations of my love. Although I probably still feel this way, the way I would describe it has changed. Love is universal. Is this a statement that registers with many people? Is it true? I think it must be. The universality of love is the only explanation for me holding a baby I haven't known for more than thirty minutes and automatically feeling that it is my duty to protect, comfort, and encourage this baby to feel secure. There's absolutely no logical reason for me to interact thus, if you consider; a) this baby has been screaming for the last thirty minutes due to his mother's leaving us alone and b) he is not related to me in any sense and c) no matter how I treat this kid, his care is at my discretion. I realized that while holding him. An adult inherently possesses power over an infant, in every sense of the word. I could've not fed him, I could've spanked him, I could have done a number of good or evil behavior. Instead, I chose to crawl around on the floor, making his dolls sound incredibly silly and rotating between dry food, a bottle and juice. Anything to make him happy again, to forget that his mom had left him. I realized this. The acknowledgment that your actions could either benefit another or inflict pain, even unnoticed damage,  so you choose to make the best decision; that's love. Now, others may be better at this than I am, but the above mentioned event reminded me how selfish I am. Yes, love is great, but it cannot overcome our natural tendencies! I loved this kid who was now (thankfully!) fast asleep in my arms. That did not stop me from trying to place him in his crib. I knew, without a doubt, that he would wake up, but I saw my book lying longingly on the table and I knew my arm would eventually go numb, so I tried. As soon as he shook his head and began to wake up, I immediately relented and realized I would be spending the remainder of his nap, with one arm cradling his little body. Even those moments of holding him, staying silent as possible, forgoing the reading since my actions of flipping the pages and holding the book open disturbed him, are so intertwined with selfishness- let's face it, a quiet, sleeping baby is easier to watch than a cranky, screaming kid. However, as I held him, I was so thankful. He snuggled and relaxed and I could tell he was at peace in his nap, that made even this dead arm I have now, worth every minute. I'm so thankful that God works the ways that He does. He's teaching me so much about the ways He loves me, but that is a topic I still know too little about to even feel comfortable beginning!