The greatness of God.

I'm not sure why sometimes God seems closer to my heart and my thoughts and is all around combined with me, but I love it and I'm grateful. Take for example the second day when I have been completely aware of God's presence. I'm taking note because it helps me not be so forgetful!

Yesterday, I went wedding dress shopping. I never expected that to me, but there I was in a gown looking more glamorous then ever. Thanks mostly to the dress, although I did mentally note that I want to be kinder than myself. In one of those dresses, I realized I have absolutely no reason to be hard on myself. A gorgeous dress like that can probably make anyone appear stunning, but the Lord knows how amazing it was. It was beautiful. My family there in the waiting area. My mother's beaming my face, my sister gorgeous expression, my cousin's, my nieces and my twelve year old sister Emily's. It was the most precious moment of the day, I kid you not. I was amazed by their beauty and generosity to spend the three hours consulting when I'm pretty sure it is supposed to take only an hour or so (or less!). But, my family is a gift from God and I could never have gotten through the initial stages of my wedding (or my life!) without them. I'm feeling exorbitantly blessed and highly favored and so I know it is and will be my duty and honor and great gift to do the same for someone else when those times come :)

In the morning directly after, I found out my oldest sister is pregnant. For me, it feels like the first time of becoming an aunt again. I'm so joyous. She already has three children and I love them, but I'm so blessed to be getting another. Especially since she is such an awesome Mom. I count it as a joy to be able to spend time and be included with her and her family. I ask the Lord and pray to keep her and my sister-in-law safe during their dual pregnancies! Why, that's right, they are simultaneously pregnant and both going to be gleaming beauties with their bundles of joy. I can't wait to meet Ambar's new addition either. Her first is so unique and different and although I see less of him, he lights up my life and I know its going to be a HUGE gigantic blessing that God has already blessed them with. God is so good and I can't see how I ever looked at life without Him!

Back to the wedding dress for a brief moment. The pricing was a gift from God. I wanted to spend no more than 250.00 dollars and I did. The dress I fell in love with, the one that was made for me or I for it... :) That one was only 199.99 and after adding the garment bag it came out to 226. I was meant to have that dress and I know it. God is rich in mercy and so gracious. My wedding is coming together absolutely as planned. That is, I've done hardly any planning but somehow every little detail is going better than I ever would have imagined. I'm so thankful and excited and happy and at peace tonight. I pray Lord that I will express the appropriate amount of gratitude to everyone who is helping me because I am so grateful to You Lord and to all of them!

So, this morning my sister and mom and I attended a wedding expo. That was the most fun I've had yet. We had some champagne and we were able to do some cake testing and talking and planning and it was really great! It felt like a very mature wedding thing to do, but the truth is, the amount of fun we had was based off of spending the time together and for that, I feel even more blessed than by anything we were able to accomplish or not!

And so now my weekend is winding down and I'm ready to watch the sermon and the pastor is laying out for me the ways I specifically need to change my life in order to not feel so stressed or tired. It won't be easy, but its exactly what I needed to hear. How did he know to tell me all of that? Oh, that's right, he didn't, but he listens to the Holy Spirit and I believe that Holy Spirit had something He needed to tell me :)

Jeremiah 5

25 Your iniquities have turned away these things, and your sins have withholden good things from you.26 For among my people are found wicked men: they lay wait, as he that setteth snares; they set a trap, they catch men.s27 As a cage is full of birds, so are their houses full of deceit: therefore they are become great, and waxen rich.s28 They are waxen fat, they shine: yea, they overpass the deeds of the wicked: they judge not the cause, the cause of the fatherless, yet they prosper; and the right of the needy do they not judge.29 Shall I not visit for these things? saith the Lord: shall not my soul be avenged on such a nation as this?

30 A wonderful and horrible thing is committed in the land;s31 The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means; and my people love to have it so: and what will ye do in the end thereof?s

Matthew 16

24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?27 For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works.28 Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.

***an absence of stress. 

we live in a beautiful world God and I'm grateful for every moment. Lord, please help me l.ive in that and walk in it. to turn from whatever sin or iniquity causes me to struggle and fail. Thank you God in Heaven for your loving kindness. I will be forever grateful to you Lord. Please visit me whenever need be and allow me, please, to enter into your courts frequently, boldly and gracefully. I worship you Lord and savior and my king. Thank you for all that you've done and for all that you are. Amen. 9/30/12

I'm getting married!!!

What's the point of this blog? I'm getting married. "But what's the point," I ask myself. Everyone already knows and if they don't they will eventually. The point is grace. The point is that I would never be where I am if God did not exist and was not leading me down this path.
It is, after all, a virtually impossible path I'm embarking on. Then again, I'm not doing it alone.
There's another time and place for that story though, the one I need to share right now is a little less poetic and more angry. It's one of those personal pieces that isn't meant to be shined up and put on display. Nevertheless. Here I am, so I'm angry, I'm frustrated and I'm frustrated of being frustrated.
My fiance and I are getting married on October 27th. Of this year. Does anyone have a problem with that? I know you do because I've heard your comments about couples in your shoes before and I see the looks that we get. Does it matter? Not really. Should it? I'm not sure, but I'm done with the doubt and the questions affecting my joy. My fiance and I are so happy it isn't even funny. We are more in love than I know what to do with. He completes me and he feels the same.
We have a month to get married and we honestly have no idea what we are doing!
We have to order flowers. I have to find myself a dress as well as order bridesmaids dresses. We have to get decorations, order invitations, get a caterer, plan our finances and all of that, but in the back ground, even with all of that, we are so happy to be marrying eachother. Regardless of the pain, we know we are doing the right thing and that's the testimony to God. Maybe now it looks different, but in thirty years when we are sitting side by side, I'm going to know we made the right decision. He's the most loving, caring man I've ever met. I'm just really happy with him. And no, life is not perfect but I'm not going to be let down by it anymore. He and I are taking it one day at a time and thankfully within one month we'll be able to figure it all out together.

Day one of God talking to me and telling me everything is going to be fine:
Ephesians 2:14 "For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility...15)His purpose was to create in himself one new man, out of two, thus making peace. 16)and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility."

Who of you know that two people joining their lives, until forever, after only five months of knowing each other need God to kill the hostility? It presents itself for absolutely no reason and he and I are believing God that He has made a way through this pain. We are resting in His peace and the promise that He brings and that's worth it to me to marry someone I know I can trust and who brings me more joy than I've ever experienced in my life.

The second verse I saw this morning (thank you God!) is 1 Corinthians 7:1-7. No time to write it up right now...going to dinner with the mom and mom-in-law to do some planning! Thank you God for joy and peace. Thank you for this time of celebration!

Love, Jenn!
Follow along for more updates on the wedding and other fun details!!! :)
Next on the list is a wedding dress. At this rate, I hope I fit in right away because we are out of time for alterations. lol. God's grace is enough, even when I don't deserve it. He's good all of the time. Amen!

Did you know...

Christians have their own vernacular? In this case, I am using the following definition for vernacular, "the language or vocabulary peculiar to a class or profession" (dictionary.reference.com). 
As always, for believers in Christ, this is probably common knowledge. However, as a non-believer or a "prodigal," I was unaware that Christians had their own language and as a consequence I was completely turned off to any religious conversations because I couldn't relate. Especially since some words have two meanings, one in the "worldly" context and one in the Christian vernacular. Perhaps a brief anecdote would help. 

There was once a child who thought she knew it all. That is, she realized the world was vast and was completely undiscovered and she hungered to learn all that she could. With absolute naivety she set out to do this and lost herself along the way. How does one lose oneself? Simple. You must first believe all things are good. In this, simple Christiandom becomes dangerous. And by simple Christiandom I mean the belief in Jesus Christ as a savior, a friend, a forgiver of all deeds and an utter avoidance of the discussion of Satan and all that he hopes to accomplish. See when that little girl set off to explore the world she was already enveloped in sin. As subtle as that sin might have been at first, it was present and it is said, "once the door is opened, a thief's job is made that much easier." Was there a thief? Absolutely. 

Let me pull back here as your narrator to explain that Satan does indeed exist. Have you not noticed that there is even a whole religion devoted to praise Satanic beliefs? We, Christians that is, refer to Satan as a thief for two main reasons, two that I will address and that suffice for support. It says so in the Bible. And do Christians believe everything we read? No. If it is in the Bible do we? Yes. Why? Because we base our life on the principles in the Bible and after we do that we begin to see the "fruit" in our lives. I'll come back to that another time. 
The second reason we label Satan as a thief is because we have seen his efforts result in an extreme case of loss. Loss of joy; this through a loss of a loved one, loss of finances, loss of confidence, loss of a job, etc. There are many comforts which humans might lose and we blame it (accurately) on an enemy, namely, Satan. 
Now, it is not a vague sort of blame or a childish whine. We, Christians, accept complete responsibility for avoiding large "pit-falls." For example, we cannot rightly blame an enemy if we wind up in a terrible relationship, in which the baby's father wants nothing to do with the child and finances are so tight we are barely able to afford our groceries, if we were the ones in the first place who chose to go out and contradict the word (The Bible) through sleeping around and not tithing. All things are tied together as the girl from our story eventually figures out. The good news, and there is ALWAYS good news while living as a Christian, is that God accepts us. Yes, we must first admit that we do indeed sin* but beyond that, God loves us and will help us restore our faith and therefore restore what it is the devil set out to destroy, our lives. See, everything is so intricately overlapped that God's mercy and grace are more fully explored in the moments when one knows that the devil seeks to destroy joy but in an instant when we kneel and pray, to ask God's help in overcoming the "thief," our joy is restored, our energy resumed, and the loss is turned into a life-giving instance. It's miraculous and it does take a Christian's vernacular, an understanding of the language, to understand what it is all these Christians are talking about. Otherwise it doesn't sound far different from voo-doo or some other mystical development. The difference is, God's love isn't selective. At the place where one enters the conversation, there one will be met with understanding and the ability to expand, as with any other avenue of learning. It is as searchable as the universe and it's no wonder, given that the creator created creation and therefore the mystery of it all is there to be explored and enjoyed and it is so joyous to recognize that your hopes are all as valid as the exploration of galaxies that we will most likely never thoroughly explore but find it amazing all the same. God's glory is like that, except with the promise that once you die you will see heaven! If heaven seems far-stretched for you, I'll have to write another essay because this one obviously only scratches the surface! I'd be happy to actually :)

*what is sin? Any activity that draws one further away from the love of God. Why? Because if we participate in such or such activity and we begin to feel as if God loves us less and less, we will be unable to express to the next person we encounter how good God is, how much He has done for us, and in return how much God loves that person too! That is also a definition of what it means to feel convicted. Let's save that one for another time too! Just know that to sin is to be human (or you might have heard it as "to err?") Well, either way, it's true. However, with Jesus Christ and God, Christians say we have a savior who rescues us from the enemy who sets up traps. Think of it as the original Western or ultimate RPG. Except it's real life. And it's your life. And it's mine. We live it out, we talk it out. We have a vernacular because we need one. There's no other way to communicate how much God does for us with out expressing it in a unique way. 

Back to our story:

See, the girl went off into her own little world and as the door was open to the enemy, she began sinning more and more. At first it was one party here and another there, until it was almost every night and the things she used to love most no longer appeared on her stage and she was lost in a very tragic story. She played her friends and her cards and eventually lost it all, but it was partly her fault, but partly a language barrier to blame. She had been warned, you should know. That a thief was out there, to kill, damage and destroy, but she thought that was silly since she couldn't see him, not really. He was clothed up in bottles and songs at the club, but he was harmful all the same and he confused her ideas on a thing the world* calls love. In the Bible it's defined as the ultimate sacrifice, no questions on whether what we do is wrong or right. In the world, as she saw it, love was the same as acceptance. If she was accepted, then who else wasn't? Not the sinners around her, they were all the same, but the people who loved her because they were part of her pain. They didn't love her because they weren't as accepting, not as desirous of change. What type of change though did she want to see? She looked for answers, all the while not seeing that her attention was divided. She looked for wisdom, but her heart went into hiding. So lost and confused, she never felt whole. Happiness she felt, but she also felt old. Tired and weary from nights full of sinning, or drinking and sleeping and going back to the same old thing. And so she decided a change finally needed to be made and she did something she was so glad that she did. She stopped listening to lies and sought a real answer. What in this world offers lasting joy? Offers peace? Well, she remembered that something called God did and as she sought Him with her whole heart, do you know what He did? He turned her around and away from the pain, He presented her with a heart that was open and healing. He reintroduced her to the ones who had loved her, who never stopped all along and to the friends she had wronged, He gave her hope in heart that she would never again feel so all alone. It was good and long, the journey was hard but as most journeys are, she never once thought it wrong that she took the chance to take a journey with God. So, the story goes that she began to understand what it was others had told her, or His love and His wisdom and even the fruits of the Spirit, but all of those words were initially, very confusing, so if you need any help as you try to figure it out, just ask a friend and please don't be shy. Christians understand that they come off as different, that we draw your attention. We desire the chance to tell you our story so you'll know we were once as confused and bewildered as that strange little girl who grew up to be a very nice woman. 
The End.

*When I write about the "world," I am using a Christian word to define a place with a unique set of words, ideas and behaviors that are almost in direct contradiction to those of the religious world.

God bless you and keep you and thank you for reading! And I thank God for the opportunity to share His love and grace and mercy in the way I feel comfortable,  and enjoy, doing!! He's so good!!