The Whistleblower

The story of Kathryn Bolkovac. A film made on her experience in Bosnia where several peace-keeping officials on a mission as part of the United Nations were forced to resign, but not prosecuted, after being connected to human-trafficking and child prostitution. 

2.5 million people are reported to still being trafficked. Apparently these rates are higher in places of post-conflict, such as, Iran and Afghanistan.

The movie is disturbing, harrowing. I can't shake it and I'm not sure I even want to. 

Kathryn describes herself as a whistle-blower, the title is perfect. Meaning that while she cares for human rights, her mission was to enlighten the world of an issue. To get us to see what was, and still is, going on.

I went to the Bible, finally today, after a long day of self-pity and confusion. It's no use wallowing, something a smart grandma of mine said once when I was in the third grade. I couldn't find a second shoe and as I sat down to cry about it, I heard her swift voice from around the corner. It might as well have been God's. "Well crying isn't going to help us find your shoe any faster." I heard the reason, there was no denying how right she was. So, why as a 25 year old mother do I still find myself face down and weeping? Old habits die hard, again and again and again.

After I pulled myself somewhat together, I headed for the park to clear my mind. I knew doing something would help and, as always, I had a trusty golden retriever to keep me company, and busy! This time it was my sister's pup and even though he is better on the leash than my dog, his people skills are lacking. He barked at every one who passed by and informed me that he didn't think very highly of an old man carrying a golf club. Even though I don't condone growling, I could hardly blame this protective puppy. I caught a glimpse of my pregnant belly and sided with my dog. Sorry old man, but I wouldn't go swinging your golf club around any more dogs.

Anyway, once I got home and showered, etc. I FINALLY, finally, acknowledged my desire, my need, to open the Bible. I turned right to Ezekiel, the part about God wanting to destroy Jerusalem because of its total demise (Chapter 7). Kind of a grimy topic, but when I think about it now, how far have we really come as a people?

I fell upon this line, verse 26, and could see a resemblance,

"They will go searching for a vision from a prophet,

priestly instruction in the law will cease,

the counsel of the elders will come to an end."

I won't argue that it is daunting, but how much more so that we have reasons, such as the accounts of human-trafficking, that if God did come down again, to see His wrath poured out and the innocent lives defended, not to be surprised?

I won't leave you hopeless though. In Chapter 9, verse 4 God called to a man to protect those who mourned over the detestable things being done in Jerusalem. Those who grieved would be saved. Those who still had souls enough to realize that life was going horribly wrong. Maybe sitting down and acknowledging a deep pain isn't the worst thing we can do. Maybe it allows for God to intervene and get rid of the wicked. Then again, he called on Ezekiel to spread the word. I guess I have a reason for doing both this time. 

Looking for That.

Confidence by Joyce Meyer.
Book of the week. One of them. I'm also reading Shakespeare by Bill Bryson and have only a chapter to go in James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys.
I love reading. I love filling myself up with knowledge. I thought about the oddity of that today as I read Shakespeare. I was going to spend a moment thinking about something I read, but instead I wanted to race on to the next word, the next thought, a new page. Why is that, I wondered? I reasoned that it was because books are made to "get through." I need to finish the novel in order to get the full picture, and then, upon contemplation, I would figure what it was all about. However, in the process, am I short changing myself by rushing through the process? I have the nagging suspicion I am, so allow me to elaborate here.

The exact fact I wanted to dissect then is actually escaping my mind now. As I recall, the last few pages I read were plagued with interesting information. The fact that theatrical prosperity lasted only as long as Shakespeare's life, if not a little longer is incredible. Talk about being born at the right place, in the right time. Fascinating really that one man would experience such beautiful opportunity for his precise skills and talents. I'd like to tap into that power source, whatever it was at work in him.

What else was there? The hardly new, but noteworthy, idea that all of the plays in London used men to portray the female roles, while other countries, such as Spain, actually used women. Maybe Shakespeare was hoping London would catch up with the times a little bit and include some females in the cast. It sure would have made life a little easier for all the males who were cast in so many roles and different plays within a month and even weeks of each other.

All of that is to say that I find books so intriguing because of all I can learn during the process of reading, as well as, the final product of completing a story, when I can sit back and say, "Ah."
I'm lucky, in a sense, to have so much time right now to read, while I'm at home, resting. This should be good, but I also don't like wasting time. I feel like I should be out, doing. Which is why I'm drawn to the other book, Confidence. I just read this, "A confident person feels safe. She believes she is loved, valuable, cared for and safe in God's will for her. When we feel safe and secure, it's easy to step out and try new things" (11).
Maybe this is obvious, but maybe it is helpful. I think somewhere along the way between getting married and reconsidering some of the notions I developed during college, my confidence was shaken. I didn't feel proud of who I was, nor did I feel confident in who I had been during those years. So, I was in limbo. Feeling pulled this way and that, ashamed of this, angry about that. I believe God is leading me towards a place of serenity with who I am now, in His will and His plan. No longer to be shifted around in the wind, but solid with a foundation built on rock. I look forward to that transformation, to that change, towards that confidence, towards that reinvention of me, myself and I. I like who I am, I just want to be the way outwardly, like I feel I am on the inside. Amen. and Good night everybody. I hope you all find what you're looking for and that life holds for you the fulfillment of all of God's promises.
~Jenn