Looking for That.

Confidence by Joyce Meyer.
Book of the week. One of them. I'm also reading Shakespeare by Bill Bryson and have only a chapter to go in James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys.
I love reading. I love filling myself up with knowledge. I thought about the oddity of that today as I read Shakespeare. I was going to spend a moment thinking about something I read, but instead I wanted to race on to the next word, the next thought, a new page. Why is that, I wondered? I reasoned that it was because books are made to "get through." I need to finish the novel in order to get the full picture, and then, upon contemplation, I would figure what it was all about. However, in the process, am I short changing myself by rushing through the process? I have the nagging suspicion I am, so allow me to elaborate here.

The exact fact I wanted to dissect then is actually escaping my mind now. As I recall, the last few pages I read were plagued with interesting information. The fact that theatrical prosperity lasted only as long as Shakespeare's life, if not a little longer is incredible. Talk about being born at the right place, in the right time. Fascinating really that one man would experience such beautiful opportunity for his precise skills and talents. I'd like to tap into that power source, whatever it was at work in him.

What else was there? The hardly new, but noteworthy, idea that all of the plays in London used men to portray the female roles, while other countries, such as Spain, actually used women. Maybe Shakespeare was hoping London would catch up with the times a little bit and include some females in the cast. It sure would have made life a little easier for all the males who were cast in so many roles and different plays within a month and even weeks of each other.

All of that is to say that I find books so intriguing because of all I can learn during the process of reading, as well as, the final product of completing a story, when I can sit back and say, "Ah."
I'm lucky, in a sense, to have so much time right now to read, while I'm at home, resting. This should be good, but I also don't like wasting time. I feel like I should be out, doing. Which is why I'm drawn to the other book, Confidence. I just read this, "A confident person feels safe. She believes she is loved, valuable, cared for and safe in God's will for her. When we feel safe and secure, it's easy to step out and try new things" (11).
Maybe this is obvious, but maybe it is helpful. I think somewhere along the way between getting married and reconsidering some of the notions I developed during college, my confidence was shaken. I didn't feel proud of who I was, nor did I feel confident in who I had been during those years. So, I was in limbo. Feeling pulled this way and that, ashamed of this, angry about that. I believe God is leading me towards a place of serenity with who I am now, in His will and His plan. No longer to be shifted around in the wind, but solid with a foundation built on rock. I look forward to that transformation, to that change, towards that confidence, towards that reinvention of me, myself and I. I like who I am, I just want to be the way outwardly, like I feel I am on the inside. Amen. and Good night everybody. I hope you all find what you're looking for and that life holds for you the fulfillment of all of God's promises.
~Jenn