Overwhelming Gratefulness

Is that an oxymoron? It seems like it would be. No one can explain why "jumbo shrimp" is aa oxymoron, it just is. Well, perhaps you would explain, "A jumbo shrimp is an oxymoron because 'shrimp' is another way of saying small and jumbo, as you very well know, means large." The irony! It is, however, also an accurate description of a shrimp of unusual size in comparison to the smaller members of it's species.

Back to overwhelming gratefulness. I am referring more to the feeling being contradictory than the phrase itself. When I feel such feelings of thankfulness, I almost become lethargic, depressed, unworthy and so, what do I do when I feel an overwhelming thankfulness? Even though there is this innate desire to step down from what I'm doing, I can't. I can't give up on my duties because I am not dute of the joy that comes with accomplishing a task or receiving so much grace and blessing simply by living your life. That is the life of a Christian, after all. I am beginning to understand that my expression of praise and appreciation must never cease, especially in those moments.

For some reason or another, it can be easy to forget how happy and blessed I might have felt only moments, but maybe days, earlier. Unfortunately, I know this exchange quite well. I am determined to change that though. The Bible tells us that we can have, "A pure heart and a sound mind" and I believe it. I am tired of the back and forth, quite honestly. I read about Nehemiah today whose goal it was to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, and so he did. This was a task filled with monotony, and practical insanity because during the rebuilding his people were under constant scrutiny and attack by invaders. He had to press in daily to the promise he heard from God and keep that mission strong. He had to inspire those he was with and pray alongside them for peace and power and perseverance. He also had to bowl the trumpet to sound alarm, keeping guard throughout the night and then work, hard labor, at rebuilding a wall during the sweltering hours of the day. Could you imagine if one day he just didn't want to get out there and do his job? If he just wanted to give up because, alas, he was never really qualified to begin with? No! He's a man to look up to and be inspired by.

God is good and faithful and will stay with us throughout a task as long as we can keep our eyes and our focus on Him. I've noticed that when I struggle the most, I have most likely lost sight of God or have stopped listening to those little nudges in my spirit telling me to turn this way or that. Those moments are important, not because God wants me to do as He says, but because He has the best interest for me. I see that by living it out. By feeling the joy that comes when I live according to His plan.

I mess it up plenty of times. Sometimes, I can feel myself plain not listening.
"Nope, I don't want to hear the correction," I think. "I know what you're going to tell me and I don't want to right now."

Apologize.

I'll hear it if I'm open to it, but sometimes, I'm not. And when I am, when I finally do what I knew to do in the first place, there's peace and less pressure. I can't explain it better than that. Maybe it isn't apologize for you, maybe it is
Speak Up
Quiet Down
Have Peace
Rest
Listen
Approach Me
Ask Questions
Whisper
Love
Whatever it is, when you follow God's voice, everything turns out well. It takes patience. It takes courageousness. Its worth it! Absolutely. I hope you'll give it a try and realize you aren't as far away as you might feel and that everything is going to work out alright!

Jenn.