"The last thing one knows when writing a book is what to put first"
-Blaise Pascal
How true is this in my own life? How many times have I sat to start an essay, a novel, a blog, and just told myself, "Write!" Starting somewhere was the most important step because otherwise, I could think myself to death trying to find the perfect beginning. And yet, that beginning, those words, would catapult me into the rest of the novel. I could talk myself out of every placement of noun and apostrophe, just to keep myself back from beginning, at any point.
Is this true of life? My life or yours? Do we stop ourselves from ever developing an idea because our entrance into the water does not live up to the ending result of swimming?
There is no fear in not knowing where to begin. It is not a fear that holds us back from moving forward, from initiating, but a lack of confidence in knowing where to begin. I am not scared to write my book. I sit at my desk with trepidation perhaps, but those feelings of joy and anticipation are present on almost any wedding night. No, not fear, but what then?
A knowledge that we will not put the right word down first is certainly a nagging conception. A nagging conception that sometimes turns into unfortunate defeat. I...can...not...keep...going...with...this...doubt...inside.
So...
How to conquer whatever it is this is?
Fear, I can handle. I will not be afraid. I cam handle what comes.
Ah, but this is not a mugging I will walk away triumphantly from.
This is an adventure I am embarking on, and knowing not the outcome.
People do this, don't they?
Not really.
You see, even treacherous journeys have a predicted, if not desired, result.
We do live life this way, though. Sometimes. In our youth especially.
I want to go to Rome; sell my car, book a flight, enjoy...
You do not ask the why of yourself with any events that make you feel very much alive.
You go for it, you do it, you kick tales and take names later.
I am often reminded of Walt Whitman's, "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."
Let us begin somewhere. Even if it is by developing an image of what we want to see at the end of our lives. Work backwards, What will we do to get to that eventual point? What are your means to an end? Start there and just maybe, you will have written the best story anyone has ever even dreamed of.
