"While we all can't raise messiahs, even regular boys can occasionally bring an angelic smile to a tired mom's face."
-Gary Thomas, Sacred Parenting
I can only try to explain how gingerly this phrase touched my heart as I sat skimming the pages and my son sat only inches away from me. He was playing with some toy, but is learning to walk so I can't keep my eyes off him for long. He scoots around everything, holding on to this or that only to forget he is solely responsible for his safety now. He is getting too big for mom to carry everywhere, even though I want to at times. I want him to develop his sense of independence and strength.
I am exhausted though. Only a week ago, my husband and I discovered we were expecting another bundle of joy. Thrilled beyond words, I lie awake at night and think of all the possibilities that life now holds. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will my son have a brother to explore everything with or a sister he will one day long to protect? Will I be the mommy of two cute, challenging sons who push me to decide what kind of woman I will be-the disciplining kind or the deferring to Dad type? Will it be a sweet little girl who keeps me attentive while my son draws naturally closer to his father as they bond in the way only a son and father can? Will I be the mom, the wife, the person, the woman, the friend, the sister, the aging me only I know I can be?
I look at my son so often during the days, longing to see a cheer in his eye, to know he is at peace in his discoveries and his surroundings. My intentions are to protect him, to raise him to be confident, well-loved, highly favored, gracious, smart, kind, joyful, and bold. He is my one and only, for now. When his sibling comes, I know many things will change.
For one, Hezekiah will not have all the time he and I are used to. This time will be shared, at first unfairly with his new baby sister or brother. I will no longer be a mother devoted to one son, but a mother so busy with two children that I often brush my teeth with my hairbrush and curl my hair with the eyelash curler! I am envisioning a day where my love is shared, but not divided. There is no such thing as divided love. I know that because I have seen it played out. First with my husband, then with my family, and again with my son. I see that God loves us all equally, even if we don't understand it. What one person has, another may not. It isn't because God loves one of us less, but because He loves each of us uniquely. He sees the ways in which we are different and special and He loves those very special hearts. I pray to God I have this love for my children. That He fills me up with the energy, the strength, and the purity to always open my heart and my eyes to my children's needs and wants and the desires of their hearts.
