So what?

You'd think it was common courtesy, you'd think I'd be use to it by now. Enough of what you would think. I think I should not expect it, but for some reason, I do. I expect him to not text back. Would it be better if I sat in suspense for the flashing light that told me he had found something, anything to say in response? Instead, hours go by and I take mental notes of all the "I knew it's" that go whizzing by, while constantly reminding myself that I only partially wanted to go out anyways and even if he text me this instant I would claim to be too tired to stir myself now. In reality, what am I doing? I'm sitting, venting my dating frustration via blog in hopes that I can channel enough anger, burn it off somehow by admitting every detail and comforting myself with the fact that there are other things to be doing.
Part of me feels like I could be getting punished for missing choir practice. I didn't say I was going to or anything and I don't actually feel like I had to go, so I'm going to push through that thought. The choir didn't really feel right for me, although it was a good opportunity for worship.
I just wanted to go on a date tonight to feel normal. I haven't been on a date in so long... a couple weeks. I just want to go out and feel... I don't even know what I want to feel. Part of me wants to find a relationship, someone to share my thoughts with, but then I know, I have God and honestly that relationship is going better than ever. Something changed this weekend. I feel like that verse is true, that your old self will die away to a new one, in Christ. I could try to describe it. Sometimes, before, my mind would go to really dark and deep places and then, all of sudden, I have felt this overwhelming peace. Like joy hasn't been far from, actually like I can recognize when anger or frustration are coming up and then call on Jesus to feel the calm. I don't know if it sounds crazy, but I've been inexplicably happy and comforted and I know God has everything to do with it because nothing else has changed and the more of the Bible I hear the more I realize this is what he wants. I'm digging it.
So, I haven't found a "REAL" job yet and I haven't even pushed past 3 miles in my running plan. I'm not eating that much better for me and I certainly haven't ditched the coffee yet. I'm still flawed and making corrections and trying to lean on Him even more, so that I don't feel like the load is all on myself. So, I guess it's okay that I'm not dating anyone... I just thought...ugh.
The interesting part is, I know God is taking me places I would have never imagined myself going. I pray every night that he would open doors only he can open and close doors only he can close. That my eyes would be opened to His ways, his understandings. I pray for patience and courage and strength.
Enough about that, how was my day? Perfect, actually!
I got up early, saw Em off for school and then stayed up a bit for prayer and then cleaning. I played around on the computer for a while, had breakfast and then did some more cleaning. The cleaning was actually a good part, I need to do some more of it! Dusting and mopping and trashcan lid cleaning up on the list for tomorrow. woot-woot.
After the cleaning, I needed a little break, so Mia (the dog) and I headed over to the local park and she got to chase the ball around a bit, as I took a few laps. I honestly would have stayed longer, but she was pretty tuckered. The dog is incredible! She did a great job at sticking by me, avoiding people (in a non-overbearing way) and not pooping until I had fortunately grabbed some tp from the restroom (forgot the doggie bags at home this morning!). Anyway, the funniest part was how she waited to drink her water until she literally could lick the water as it poured from my water bottle! Nevermind the fact that she had her own bowl! Dogs are funny... the way they train their master's and all.
That didn't end the greatness of the day though. After that, I went home and made a delicious salad, I took an amazingly refreshing shower and then headed out to pick up the girls from school. Without knowing if I was going to bring up the topic or not, we were actually forced to go to the library because the oldest girl forgot her house key inside the house! Luckily, I had brought my two books that needed returning and there I found myself, scanning the movie section and selecting a couple of books. I could not have planned those perfect moments myself. In my definition, this day should probably be filed as "Grace: The indescribable perfection of a day spent in His presence." Yeah, I can finally say I'm in love <3.
And I didn't even get to the bike ride with my sister and the beautiful, ostentatious sunset and the dinner that my brother finally enjoyed and the conversation with my sister and brother that made me realize how thankful I am for them being in my life. I guess at the very root of my question, "What's next?" I need to remember how simple, yet satisfying these moments have been and then realize that it really doesn't matter. This, today, is what living is all about. Good night world. I pray for a similar peace on everyone's lives and the joy of the Lord to be forever present in our horizons. Let us all glory in His glory. Amen.