Change is Coming!

She wrote with abstractions,

she wrote as a means of distraction.

She wrote because her heart told her to,

she told it so often what it should do.

Do not love him because he cares too much,

Always wondering about seemingly dangerous stuff...

If I let him in what would be become of me?

How much is too much for all of them to see?

Wanting to trust in the Faith like a robin,

trying to ignore her heart's insistent longing.

At what point would she listen?

Would she be able to turn from her present reality,

to see what on Earth could be just like Heaven?

Her dreams had haunted her, as of late,

pressing the past issues like it was the dessert plate.

Lies, she knew, but what was she suppose to do?

Pray for change and redemption, 

run kicking and screaming from the faulty perception.

No longer the same, she would have no one to blame,

but herself, for failing to see how interconnected His promises could be.

Wanting more, naturally, is it really so hard to see?

At times a vast gulf between her heart, her eyes and her mind.

So distracted, was that normal?

Normally, she longed for the life of an immortal,

A Place where trees are ever as they should be,

where sunsets never cease to dazzle the mind,

where the inconvenience of time was no more.

Did a place like Heaven exist?

Was it the same for me, for the restless,

and for all of those who believe?

Not that it matters, He said it promises peace and reunion

and with that there would be no more longing.

So these moments spent, wondering,

are apt to vanity,

vain to think, sit and stare, vain to wonder why I'm even here.

There was a time when thoughts like these scared me.

Even now I'm not so sure I haven't crossed a certain line,

the permeable distance from here to insanity,

but there's no escape, no magic cure, no wishing I could just "not be here."

To sit and cope, to dream and hope,

to understand that these moments are a significant part of the plan,

of learning who I am and who I'll be,

in a future I can only scarcely see, but must whole-heartedly believe is waiting there for me.

Like a patient lover, never doubting my return,

longing for appreciation, reconnection, anything. 

I'm lost, my love, please wait for me.

Don't turn your head in anger because I stumble blindly,

be kind to me.

I see you in the distance, flashes of brilliance and calm, like the clearing in a storm,

it is then that I can almost feel the security of home.

In the sky I watch the patterns and wonder at their beauty,

knowing God awaits because no one can copy his skill, not nearly.

So impressive and expansive.

Yet I wonder, what His plan is.

Does it include the girl I am,

little old and frightened me,

frightened by what I am, but what I am is what He made me.

"Find your strength," I imagine He would tell me. 

Find the strength inside of me. 

"Cast aside your uncertainty,

To know me is to love me, to seek me is to find.

I am always at your side. 

Take your time and be careful

because the humble are often meek,

but the meek are always king.

Know that I will take care of you.

and I love you, too,

no matter what you do.

Please, let that be enough."

I think He said all of this to me,

although I couldn't hear quite clearly,

I listened with my heart, you see,

and it was whispered ever softly.

* "Be different, you'll fit right in."

I went to see a play tonight and I absolutely loved it. It was a play my sister was in, her character a minor role, but I was really proud of her. She was so pretty and had perfected all her lines. I also enjoyed the rest of the play. Mark Twain's autobiography. He was an interesting man, with a humorous and accurate perception. I liked the atmosphere, as well. Made up of originality, that sort of feel is contagious I guess. Women were using accents in the bathroom, but it definitely felt happy.