I don't have much time, school starts in, oh well I'm suppose to be leaving in one minute. I'll have to be a little tardy. And presumably resume this argument at a later time. That's okay by me. Actually, it will be nice to have something to come back to.
So, what am I on about? I had a revelation last night. About the state of our country. America, to specify. I can't rest here comfortably. I haven't been able to since I came back from Wales. I thought it was something I was doing wrong, honestly. I thought maybe I was being pretentious, that was a thought nurtured by fellow Americans and then amplified by my own self-doubt. Awesome, I know. With that aside, I also considered that maybe my eyes had been opened to the glories of the Earth and America was the door mat to this exploration. I wanted to simply say adios to the country of my childhood and relocate to one of the more cultured, refined civilizations that waited, rather existed, across seas. However, my family is here, my heart, my mind, memories. They all exist here too and with that I can't convince myself that my permanent home is one where none of these will be too. I can't split myself in two and go on. For now I am simply eight hours away, by car, and I feel a longing so acute at times to see my little sister's sparkling blue eyes when she is laughing in, embarrassment perhaps, at my antics or to smell my mom's perfume and to be strengthened by her vivacity. I just can't see, it doesn't make sense.
What then, I wonder, constantly, is the point of my experiences, my longings? To come to peace with it all. To be in one mind, that is what I'm searching for. Now, at this point in life, I am starting to see a solution. I feel strife in my daily life in the United States because I should, we all should. Somethings are wrong, fundamentally, logically, personally. We are a people so far askew yet we cal our existence abstract and appease ourselves. Well, it is a lie. Just as I had naively mocked a Picasso at the beginnings of my studies of art appreciation, claiming I too could throw colors on a board, smear them around, call it beauty, confess my insanity, maybe keep my ears... I have, actually. I'm still waiting for recognition, but I surrender. The point is we can continue to claim that what we do is not wrong, but it won't make the problem go away. I want us to look into our souls and see what does not sit right with the morals I know every one is capable of understanding because they ARE inherent and then start to make a change. How? Well, let's work that part out together because apart from wanting to put on some walking shoes and march across to Congress and demand that they bring every single one of the members of the armed forces home and give the money, that we don't have yet continues to be spent, back to the countless number of starving and abused children and homeless mothers and fathers or even families so disturbed by poverty and perverted morals that they have forgotten how to love one another, until I reach the point when that is the only goal I have on my mind, maybe we can come up with other solutions. I'll keep daydreaming though. Also, I'll post with some of my inspiration for this fire inside of me and hopefully a little bit of proof that I have not completely gone insane, although I am hesitant to claim otherwise. I'm okay with that though. I'd rather be crazy than impassioned to not move or feel for one more second of my life.
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