How was my day?

I'm so glad you asked. It was neither bad nor good. The day was a combination of incidents that have left me feeling displeased, distracted and in an awful mood! I'm not angry, just glum, like the weather. I am sad after discussing Grad School with one of the professors on campus. Instead of being uplifting, he gave me all of the reasons why graduate school is not a guarantee of a potential career and pointed out areas of study that I didn't have answers for. I felt like he was deflating rather than encouraging and that honestly sucks because if doubt is a thing, it is a thing I don't need anymore of. The worst part is that I can't stop playing the conversation over and over when all I want to do is turn my negative emotions into a positive outlet. Now, I'm watching Payback, a movie in Arabic that I can understand nothing more of than body language. There is a lot of tension going on, that much I can tell, but the director is a female who was imprisoned for her radical ideas, so I support that.
This is where I am now: I desperately want to have a goal. A mission to fulfill that can't be deterred. Maybe I should wait another year before I apply for grad school. Apparently one month before application deadlines is cutting it exceptionally close, but I don't like the alternative, of going home and waiting for a year. Then again, I could go abroad and teach English like I had planned just a few months ago.
In the midst of these thoughts I remember that I must finish this semester first. No big deal, just a couple of papers to write and finals to take. I know I can manage, I just wish I didn't let myself feel overwhelmed. Perspective helps a lot. To change mine, I need only realize that after all this time I have been trained to read and write in a way that would not only prepare me for life after college, whatever it is I will choose, b ut also well-enough for the next couple of weeks, come what may. That helps. So, what to do next? Read a book this weekend, write a paper by Saturday, finish another by Sunday. I've finished The Hobbit! It feels like cheating that I "had" to read that book for a class.
Well, it seems like my movie is getting to the good part... I think a man has picked up a prostitute as part of a plan because she has now pulled a gun! Good grief, I better start watching!

Oh, quick side-note. Last night I finished Karen Armstrong's, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life. The book was miraculous and life-altering. The ending was the antithesis to my conversation with my professor ;) I should probably purchase the book though (library rental-not stolen) because it is a reference I could use for the rest of my life. I've already found myself slipping on the first steps of meditation, not that I have forgotten the beneficial effect of them on my life, but selfishness is addictive and I've found myself devoting time to not such glamorous alternatives.

I also watched "Religious" again last night. It made me want to write Bill _____ a letter, but I'm sure he gets enough of those.

Good night!! <3