I woke up today, the same as most other days. From the place I sit now though, I realize that something has changed. Nothing new, but altered to a time that I have been before or a place that I have lived in. It is familiar, not boring. Calm and peace, yet notably new and fragile. I love this place. I need to protect it. Like a new mother who has known these feelings in the past, I am without the rules and guidelines of nourishing and caring for another. While I recognize the tides, I am unfamiliar with the path that this sea or flood of emotion will take. Whatever it may be though I would like to never cease following this path. It is one of self-fulfillment true, but I know it will not be led simply for myself. It is from the prayer I uttered asking for strength and certainty in order to be an example of something better. So, I'll search for happiness because it is what I desire, I desire to find happiness to spread the seeds throughout this place. I want to smile, I seek to be loved because only while loving and smiling am I utterly enthralled. When I am thus satiated, in a way beneficial to most, I believe it will be a domino effect in the most simplest of manners. It takes work, like a honey bee, one so sweet that produces a joy to all who try it, must do what comes naturally and effectively to help others reproduce their own beauty.
There was a time when I felt that to search for beauty was a vanity unforgivable, if I were an artist one might have said I was in a perpetual state of blueness. I feared twinkling because I couldn't deal with the attention it provoked. I lacked understanding of a higher meaning and therefore fear reigned in the forefront of my mind. Then, like the simplest of gestures that at once can cease a quarrel amongst lovers, the words came to me that to sparkle is a gift, to hide it is a shame, to fear it is a waste and to abandon hope would never work. Life continues regardless of who opts out of its game. The trees and flowers and birds were His examples. All created by the same, so why would I feel not worthy of the same attention or self-worth? Do the roses hide their colors because you and I so readily accept their perfection? No, they go on beaming because that is their duty, at least as far as you and I can see.
I do not claim the perfection of those I've mentioned, but I reiterate the semblance to our origins. Now I know some who call this science, the workings of nature to create our intricacies and all the aspects of our lives. That's fine. That is fine to understand that we have all come from the same place. I call my idea of this a maker, the only difference is I will not claim to now the "how." Who could ever believe that they know something when they were never present to me is not more intelligent, just one more inclined to have the answers. I would like to think that as the world continues to heal itself and outsmart those who figure it all out that we could take a hint and stop short of just being in amazement at it. I am a curious being though as well, so if you must know than continue to search. I hope when you find the right answers you will share with us that they may be beneficial to all and with all our best interests in mind.
My journey will be a different one, of that I am completely aware. I'd like to study and to learn, but also to live and enjoy. It is this balance I'm still figuring and I pray my life will continue on in this way.
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