God loves unequivocally, all of me- every part of me.
Forget the strands that are barely holding on
or the stains of guilt that are forever pressing on.
I'm clean and rid of all of that,
Forever in His arms.
I'd like to hide and put shackles on my arms,
I'd like to tell myself I'm the only one that feels that way.
I'd like to forget the pain I caused, or the smiles I sometimes fake,
but inside the noise, the chaos, this lousy ocean,
is the girl you perfectly crafted and I'm formed without mistake.
So, I see me in the mirror, but that is never all of me,
revealed only in our time alone is the beautiful part of me,
The part who prays and will reverently hit my knees,
the part who knows I did nothing wrong,
Forever in Your arms.
I'm longing just to stay here and to not be torn away.
My memory and forgetfulness are my constant plagues.
To see the gentleness with which I can approach you,
to see your loving answers and to know that I just know you.
Your beauty and your grace,
although they are not fleeting,
sometimes I doubt their reaches to the anguish I have inside,
but when I run and greet you and throw this world aside,
I am safe and wonderfully made,
Forever in Your eyes.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
These Days.
Remember that song by Rascal Flatts?
Here's the link, in case you forgot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MTSBcvI9DI
Not much relevance to my life now, but ah, back in the day...this was my jam!
Ha, not sure why, except I LoVeD Rascal Flatts.
"I wake up and tear drops they fall down like rain. I put on that old song, we danced to and then..."
Wow. Those lyrics are actually a lot worse than I remember. In a sense, they make me very grateful for where I am today!
Not looking back on my past and wishing to be there, but trying to engage with my future and understand where I am and where I'm going.
When we look back and think about where we could be and still believe that make-believe path would provide happiness, we are actually constructing our own demise. This demise may look like tear drops in the morning, failure to explore new opportunities, sadness with our environment, bitterness at any attempts of others to cheer us up, or just an all-around depression with our daily lives. We could live there. We could willingly choose to forsake all invasions of sunshine, but what person wants to live that way? There is no glamour in losing out days or even years to remorse and longing. There is no magical spell that will transcend a broken heart and relieve the grief. These are the efforts of hard-work, deliberation, soul-seeking, and humility.
We could live our lives for tomorrow. Always thinking about another day, but what happens to the present? Are you no longer experiencing it fully? Do you no longer look around and appreciate the beautiful shape of the clouds or the light in the sunset? Do you stop enjoying the embrace of the infant in your arms or the spouse laying by your side? Yes, it contradicts our culture to say you can find happiness without changing status or adding just one more thing. It contradicts our culture because the happiest people in the world aren't rich, they aren't on wall-street, and they aren't chasing dreams of fast cars and big houses. They are looking around themselves, going, "Ah, so this is what pretty good means."
*With God all things are possible.
*The joy of the Lord is my strength.
*I will live to enjoy the light.
I hope all of us can live to enjoy these days, no mater the path we've been on before today. The way is not always easy and it surely isn't clear. But, we have something worth living for and that is pure joy. If you want happiness, you may have it. The Bible tells us to seek and you will find, to ask and it will be given. This isn't the request of a magic genie, but a simple plead to know yourself. What are you really looking for? A car that will eventual break and debt to hang above your ears for the rest of your life? Or a moment of happiness that tells you that all of the longing, all of the pain, all of the crap you've experienced, those are the things you don't need.
So, you want to escape? Okay, go ahead. Get on your knees and pray. Pray for God to fill you up with something so amazing you'll keep coming back for more and more.
Here's the link, in case you forgot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MTSBcvI9DI
Not much relevance to my life now, but ah, back in the day...this was my jam!
Ha, not sure why, except I LoVeD Rascal Flatts.
"I wake up and tear drops they fall down like rain. I put on that old song, we danced to and then..."
Wow. Those lyrics are actually a lot worse than I remember. In a sense, they make me very grateful for where I am today!
Not looking back on my past and wishing to be there, but trying to engage with my future and understand where I am and where I'm going.
When we look back and think about where we could be and still believe that make-believe path would provide happiness, we are actually constructing our own demise. This demise may look like tear drops in the morning, failure to explore new opportunities, sadness with our environment, bitterness at any attempts of others to cheer us up, or just an all-around depression with our daily lives. We could live there. We could willingly choose to forsake all invasions of sunshine, but what person wants to live that way? There is no glamour in losing out days or even years to remorse and longing. There is no magical spell that will transcend a broken heart and relieve the grief. These are the efforts of hard-work, deliberation, soul-seeking, and humility.
We could live our lives for tomorrow. Always thinking about another day, but what happens to the present? Are you no longer experiencing it fully? Do you no longer look around and appreciate the beautiful shape of the clouds or the light in the sunset? Do you stop enjoying the embrace of the infant in your arms or the spouse laying by your side? Yes, it contradicts our culture to say you can find happiness without changing status or adding just one more thing. It contradicts our culture because the happiest people in the world aren't rich, they aren't on wall-street, and they aren't chasing dreams of fast cars and big houses. They are looking around themselves, going, "Ah, so this is what pretty good means."
*With God all things are possible.
*The joy of the Lord is my strength.
*I will live to enjoy the light.
I hope all of us can live to enjoy these days, no mater the path we've been on before today. The way is not always easy and it surely isn't clear. But, we have something worth living for and that is pure joy. If you want happiness, you may have it. The Bible tells us to seek and you will find, to ask and it will be given. This isn't the request of a magic genie, but a simple plead to know yourself. What are you really looking for? A car that will eventual break and debt to hang above your ears for the rest of your life? Or a moment of happiness that tells you that all of the longing, all of the pain, all of the crap you've experienced, those are the things you don't need.
So, you want to escape? Okay, go ahead. Get on your knees and pray. Pray for God to fill you up with something so amazing you'll keep coming back for more and more.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
A Mother's Love
"While we all can't raise messiahs, even regular boys can occasionally bring an angelic smile to a tired mom's face."
-Gary Thomas, Sacred Parenting
I can only try to explain how gingerly this phrase touched my heart as I sat skimming the pages and my son sat only inches away from me. He was playing with some toy, but is learning to walk so I can't keep my eyes off him for long. He scoots around everything, holding on to this or that only to forget he is solely responsible for his safety now. He is getting too big for mom to carry everywhere, even though I want to at times. I want him to develop his sense of independence and strength.
I am exhausted though. Only a week ago, my husband and I discovered we were expecting another bundle of joy. Thrilled beyond words, I lie awake at night and think of all the possibilities that life now holds. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will my son have a brother to explore everything with or a sister he will one day long to protect? Will I be the mommy of two cute, challenging sons who push me to decide what kind of woman I will be-the disciplining kind or the deferring to Dad type? Will it be a sweet little girl who keeps me attentive while my son draws naturally closer to his father as they bond in the way only a son and father can? Will I be the mom, the wife, the person, the woman, the friend, the sister, the aging me only I know I can be?
I look at my son so often during the days, longing to see a cheer in his eye, to know he is at peace in his discoveries and his surroundings. My intentions are to protect him, to raise him to be confident, well-loved, highly favored, gracious, smart, kind, joyful, and bold. He is my one and only, for now. When his sibling comes, I know many things will change.
For one, Hezekiah will not have all the time he and I are used to. This time will be shared, at first unfairly with his new baby sister or brother. I will no longer be a mother devoted to one son, but a mother so busy with two children that I often brush my teeth with my hairbrush and curl my hair with the eyelash curler! I am envisioning a day where my love is shared, but not divided. There is no such thing as divided love. I know that because I have seen it played out. First with my husband, then with my family, and again with my son. I see that God loves us all equally, even if we don't understand it. What one person has, another may not. It isn't because God loves one of us less, but because He loves each of us uniquely. He sees the ways in which we are different and special and He loves those very special hearts. I pray to God I have this love for my children. That He fills me up with the energy, the strength, and the purity to always open my heart and my eyes to my children's needs and wants and the desires of their hearts.
-Gary Thomas, Sacred Parenting
I can only try to explain how gingerly this phrase touched my heart as I sat skimming the pages and my son sat only inches away from me. He was playing with some toy, but is learning to walk so I can't keep my eyes off him for long. He scoots around everything, holding on to this or that only to forget he is solely responsible for his safety now. He is getting too big for mom to carry everywhere, even though I want to at times. I want him to develop his sense of independence and strength.
I am exhausted though. Only a week ago, my husband and I discovered we were expecting another bundle of joy. Thrilled beyond words, I lie awake at night and think of all the possibilities that life now holds. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will my son have a brother to explore everything with or a sister he will one day long to protect? Will I be the mommy of two cute, challenging sons who push me to decide what kind of woman I will be-the disciplining kind or the deferring to Dad type? Will it be a sweet little girl who keeps me attentive while my son draws naturally closer to his father as they bond in the way only a son and father can? Will I be the mom, the wife, the person, the woman, the friend, the sister, the aging me only I know I can be?
I look at my son so often during the days, longing to see a cheer in his eye, to know he is at peace in his discoveries and his surroundings. My intentions are to protect him, to raise him to be confident, well-loved, highly favored, gracious, smart, kind, joyful, and bold. He is my one and only, for now. When his sibling comes, I know many things will change.
For one, Hezekiah will not have all the time he and I are used to. This time will be shared, at first unfairly with his new baby sister or brother. I will no longer be a mother devoted to one son, but a mother so busy with two children that I often brush my teeth with my hairbrush and curl my hair with the eyelash curler! I am envisioning a day where my love is shared, but not divided. There is no such thing as divided love. I know that because I have seen it played out. First with my husband, then with my family, and again with my son. I see that God loves us all equally, even if we don't understand it. What one person has, another may not. It isn't because God loves one of us less, but because He loves each of us uniquely. He sees the ways in which we are different and special and He loves those very special hearts. I pray to God I have this love for my children. That He fills me up with the energy, the strength, and the purity to always open my heart and my eyes to my children's needs and wants and the desires of their hearts.
Monday, April 14, 2014
What is going on?
Is life free falling? Is it an escapade made to be explored? Is it an activity center, you try a little, seeing where you might succeed or fail? Or is it a never ending climb to the top? I don't even know anymore...
That wasn't exactly how I meant to begin, I'm just, I haven't used my sea legs in awhile.
I want to write, desperately. I lose myself in my writing. Time stops, I am separate from my being and yet, I am wholly completely myself. I want to be this way. To start over, to dream big, to let God take me where ever He wishes without the fear of failure. Like the song, Oceans. Spirit lead me where my feet would never wander and my faith would be made stronger... Lord I will call upon your name... I don't want to be devoid of these hopes, of this faith, of that dream. That I would one day end up exactly where He was calling and I would not have missed a thing. "Living the dream," they say. Boy, how differently do our dreams look, I would say.
Not one of grandeur or pomp. No. It would be simple. A cottage (think Matilda's teacher's), children, plants, cookies, coffee(!), ... yes please, that would be it. Living the dream. Where none of the b.s. found it's way into our lives. I mean, how many times are you pissed of in your dreams? Not often. Mostly, I'm bewildered. Emotions can get the best of us, can't they?
Anyways, back to the dream. I'd be writing. I'd be writing and say, "Does this sound good?" Or maybe I should change a line here or there. But then, we always come back to reality, don't we? Because if we lived off in the county or in a village, where would my husband work? I guess we'd figure it out...He'd probably work at home with me, creating some little hobby that we could sell and live on, too! That would really be something, wouldn't it? I guess we'll still have to see!
That wasn't exactly how I meant to begin, I'm just, I haven't used my sea legs in awhile.
I want to write, desperately. I lose myself in my writing. Time stops, I am separate from my being and yet, I am wholly completely myself. I want to be this way. To start over, to dream big, to let God take me where ever He wishes without the fear of failure. Like the song, Oceans. Spirit lead me where my feet would never wander and my faith would be made stronger... Lord I will call upon your name... I don't want to be devoid of these hopes, of this faith, of that dream. That I would one day end up exactly where He was calling and I would not have missed a thing. "Living the dream," they say. Boy, how differently do our dreams look, I would say.
Not one of grandeur or pomp. No. It would be simple. A cottage (think Matilda's teacher's), children, plants, cookies, coffee(!), ... yes please, that would be it. Living the dream. Where none of the b.s. found it's way into our lives. I mean, how many times are you pissed of in your dreams? Not often. Mostly, I'm bewildered. Emotions can get the best of us, can't they?
Anyways, back to the dream. I'd be writing. I'd be writing and say, "Does this sound good?" Or maybe I should change a line here or there. But then, we always come back to reality, don't we? Because if we lived off in the county or in a village, where would my husband work? I guess we'd figure it out...He'd probably work at home with me, creating some little hobby that we could sell and live on, too! That would really be something, wouldn't it? I guess we'll still have to see!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Matthew 9:9-13
If Jesus came for the sinners, why are we all trying so hard to change? He loves us as we are, and yet, we are all desperately trying to do better, be better. It doesn't make any sense and it's killing me!
God calls me to be like Him. To love others, to love myself, so I guess I pretty much need to start there. What does it look like to love myself? It looks like me being kind. It looks like me being aware of when I'm hurting, when I'm stressed, and when I'm getting frazzeled being repair. I need to slow down and accept that I'm not one of those people who can go, go, go. Even though I want to be. I do things a little more slowly, and that's okay. I also go out of my way to help people, and that's okay too. It doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, just lovable, for me and anyone else practicing the Christian faith.
I think what Jesus was looking for in the sinners was their dedication to him. See, they knew how far they had fallen. They were willing to get back up and to keep plugging along. They had experienced restoration in their lives and they wanted to show it to the world. We should be like this. We can be like that.
He is calling us into a world that doesn't know they are lovable. My mission is to show the world how lovable they are, and why? Why does it matter if we know, or they know, how truly loved they are and can be? Because that type of love is transforming. It changes us from the inside out. When I begin to realize that God accepts and loves me precisely as I am, AND that He wants me to love me in the same way! I'm changed. I'm awed. I'm incredibly humbled because to me, I see nothing special in myself, and that's okay. I can see God reflected in me, I can see the love and growth He has planted there, instead of the weeds that were strangling out any form of life that used to live there. I've been through a lot in the last 26 years and I can honestly say I'm stronger today than I ever was back then. I've learned a lot and grown so much over the past few years and I am so thankful that God continues loving me. Even when I haven't always been the person I should have been or could have been. He was waiting, in grace, for me to return to Him. No pressure, just loving arms open wide. I want to be that way to the world also. A symbol of God's grace and loving presence. That is what it's all about, after all.
But, why love? What is so special about love and the absence of hate? What is so transforming about coming to the world, as Jesus did, and dining with the sinners? Is it because in a world that tells you everything is acceptable, if you really go "too far," at some point they stop accepting you? If you start drinking in college, everyone loves you. They love being around you, partying with you, hanging out with you, getting drunk with you. But what happens when they've forgotten your name, you can't pay your bills, and the only person you want to blame is staring at you through the mirror? Then, there's Jesus. There's God. There is someone telling you that everything will be okay. That He still loves you. That He never grew tired of you or too weary to carry your load. Just open you arms and accept Him and that's all He's asking you to do. The rest is really up to Him, to change you from the inside out as He begins loving you and expressing how deeply and truly special you are to Him. It's a wonderful thing and a beautiful way to live your life.
Matthew 9:12 "On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13) But go and learn what this means" 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
God calls me to be like Him. To love others, to love myself, so I guess I pretty much need to start there. What does it look like to love myself? It looks like me being kind. It looks like me being aware of when I'm hurting, when I'm stressed, and when I'm getting frazzeled being repair. I need to slow down and accept that I'm not one of those people who can go, go, go. Even though I want to be. I do things a little more slowly, and that's okay. I also go out of my way to help people, and that's okay too. It doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, just lovable, for me and anyone else practicing the Christian faith.
I think what Jesus was looking for in the sinners was their dedication to him. See, they knew how far they had fallen. They were willing to get back up and to keep plugging along. They had experienced restoration in their lives and they wanted to show it to the world. We should be like this. We can be like that.
He is calling us into a world that doesn't know they are lovable. My mission is to show the world how lovable they are, and why? Why does it matter if we know, or they know, how truly loved they are and can be? Because that type of love is transforming. It changes us from the inside out. When I begin to realize that God accepts and loves me precisely as I am, AND that He wants me to love me in the same way! I'm changed. I'm awed. I'm incredibly humbled because to me, I see nothing special in myself, and that's okay. I can see God reflected in me, I can see the love and growth He has planted there, instead of the weeds that were strangling out any form of life that used to live there. I've been through a lot in the last 26 years and I can honestly say I'm stronger today than I ever was back then. I've learned a lot and grown so much over the past few years and I am so thankful that God continues loving me. Even when I haven't always been the person I should have been or could have been. He was waiting, in grace, for me to return to Him. No pressure, just loving arms open wide. I want to be that way to the world also. A symbol of God's grace and loving presence. That is what it's all about, after all.
But, why love? What is so special about love and the absence of hate? What is so transforming about coming to the world, as Jesus did, and dining with the sinners? Is it because in a world that tells you everything is acceptable, if you really go "too far," at some point they stop accepting you? If you start drinking in college, everyone loves you. They love being around you, partying with you, hanging out with you, getting drunk with you. But what happens when they've forgotten your name, you can't pay your bills, and the only person you want to blame is staring at you through the mirror? Then, there's Jesus. There's God. There is someone telling you that everything will be okay. That He still loves you. That He never grew tired of you or too weary to carry your load. Just open you arms and accept Him and that's all He's asking you to do. The rest is really up to Him, to change you from the inside out as He begins loving you and expressing how deeply and truly special you are to Him. It's a wonderful thing and a beautiful way to live your life.
Matthew 9:12 "On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13) But go and learn what this means" 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
Thursday, November 14, 2013
A little piece of Heaven
Tonight, as I sip a warm cup of tea, I can't help but sigh with relief. I have brief moments in time when I can be completely myself. Alone, at last, with my computer, a snack, and a drink. Never mind the fact that my baby sleeps just inches behind me for only God knows how long and my husband sleeps only feet away until he must wake and go out on his night shift. It's been weeks now that he covers the graveyard shift and, as of yet, I am still not recovered. Can one ever really grow accustomed to the person they love not being able to sleep at their side and not returning until the morning has fully dawned. I'm not sure I will, but for now, he and I are making it work. The baby keeps me company anyways and for that I am extremely grateful.
I know things like this will not last. The times, rugged and hurried, seem to squeeze themselves out of me, but I am unwilling to let them go. I so badly want to stay in this moment and then the next. Is this what it means to be a mother? Always wanting to stay right where you are while all the time you know you must change, adapt, let go? I never minded change before, in fact, I welcomed it. I sought it out and now I only long to keep my family intact; enjoying this day and this day alone.
I am ready for change though. I see the need, the necessity, of newness. A new environment in which we can all grow. I would never dream of keeping anyone of them the same. I want both of them to flourish, to find joy, to succeed at whatever they put their hands to. Their minds to. I see greatness in our son. He is lovely and happy. He smiles so easily and loves so much to see his father's face. All that he is makes my whole life shine. I am complete in the moments when I know his smile will stay on his face.
As for me, I'm torn. Is my life as a mother now? As a mom who stays at home and cares for her children and takes care of the house and the other maternal duties? Or, am I Mom who works outside of the home and takes home to her children her very hard-earned support and care. Or, am I both? Am I the one who must go work in order to provide and when I am home, only then can I give the love and support to my child, or children, that they need? Am I to recognize my child's benefit of having multiple family members in his life, to help raise him and love and take care of him? Am I to let go of him unquestionably because that is what is best for my family. I'm not sure and that is at the heart of my problems. I am not keen on letting go. In fact. I cannot see me doing so and yet I am called outside of my house, to make something of myself, to build, encourage and move on. I cannot do so. I suppose I will work to earn a paycheck and then come home to love my family. To spend the precious moments that I can with them. To help raise them in the way they should go and love them how I know I should.. how should I love them? The defining question. My love would seem to best show through lavishing all of my affection upon them but we are also told to believe that self-love is the only way one can fully love another. Jesus, actually, tells us that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. I would love myself by providing a secure future for me and so I would fully love my son by giving him that same opportunity. I know what I must do and now I pray that the Lord can help with guidance and wisdom and love so that I should have strength in order to get the job done. Amen.
I know things like this will not last. The times, rugged and hurried, seem to squeeze themselves out of me, but I am unwilling to let them go. I so badly want to stay in this moment and then the next. Is this what it means to be a mother? Always wanting to stay right where you are while all the time you know you must change, adapt, let go? I never minded change before, in fact, I welcomed it. I sought it out and now I only long to keep my family intact; enjoying this day and this day alone.
I am ready for change though. I see the need, the necessity, of newness. A new environment in which we can all grow. I would never dream of keeping anyone of them the same. I want both of them to flourish, to find joy, to succeed at whatever they put their hands to. Their minds to. I see greatness in our son. He is lovely and happy. He smiles so easily and loves so much to see his father's face. All that he is makes my whole life shine. I am complete in the moments when I know his smile will stay on his face.
As for me, I'm torn. Is my life as a mother now? As a mom who stays at home and cares for her children and takes care of the house and the other maternal duties? Or, am I Mom who works outside of the home and takes home to her children her very hard-earned support and care. Or, am I both? Am I the one who must go work in order to provide and when I am home, only then can I give the love and support to my child, or children, that they need? Am I to recognize my child's benefit of having multiple family members in his life, to help raise him and love and take care of him? Am I to let go of him unquestionably because that is what is best for my family. I'm not sure and that is at the heart of my problems. I am not keen on letting go. In fact. I cannot see me doing so and yet I am called outside of my house, to make something of myself, to build, encourage and move on. I cannot do so. I suppose I will work to earn a paycheck and then come home to love my family. To spend the precious moments that I can with them. To help raise them in the way they should go and love them how I know I should.. how should I love them? The defining question. My love would seem to best show through lavishing all of my affection upon them but we are also told to believe that self-love is the only way one can fully love another. Jesus, actually, tells us that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. I would love myself by providing a secure future for me and so I would fully love my son by giving him that same opportunity. I know what I must do and now I pray that the Lord can help with guidance and wisdom and love so that I should have strength in order to get the job done. Amen.
Monday, October 7, 2013
you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I woke up this morning and asked God, "Why am I here? Why have you placed me in this exact spot, with these people, in this life style?"
I was wondering. I'm finally wondering.
I could spend my time thinking of some other crap like why hasn't he given me this or that or why do I have to do such and such, but that seems terrible unfulfilling when the truth of it all is that I am here, make it or break it.
I do not want to break it. In fact, I want to thrive, so again I ask, "Why am I here?"
If I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as I am, then there is a reason for my moodiness and my reflection. There is a reason for the son I had and a reason I was given to him as his mother.
If any other avenue in my life was really so great, I would be there now, because God loves me and works all things together for my good.
I want to be unfiltered. Stop thinking about what to say or not, because the truth of the matter is, all of our walks are different. When my relationship is just about me and God, I think thats when the real change will come. It isn't like all of us are that different but our modes of communication are light years apart and it makes me feel inadequate. For example, I thought of something that made me angry while I was in the shower. I noticed, for perhaps the first time, that my initial thought was to push it down. Get rid of the feeling. Instead, today I thought, I am going to think of a healthy and normal way to tell that person why I am upset. I never thought of a way, but at least I realize what I need to do!
I know everything will work out because God is like that. I'm just wondering when and how. I don't know, I guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic.
I was wondering. I'm finally wondering.
I could spend my time thinking of some other crap like why hasn't he given me this or that or why do I have to do such and such, but that seems terrible unfulfilling when the truth of it all is that I am here, make it or break it.
I do not want to break it. In fact, I want to thrive, so again I ask, "Why am I here?"
If I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as I am, then there is a reason for my moodiness and my reflection. There is a reason for the son I had and a reason I was given to him as his mother.
If any other avenue in my life was really so great, I would be there now, because God loves me and works all things together for my good.
I want to be unfiltered. Stop thinking about what to say or not, because the truth of the matter is, all of our walks are different. When my relationship is just about me and God, I think thats when the real change will come. It isn't like all of us are that different but our modes of communication are light years apart and it makes me feel inadequate. For example, I thought of something that made me angry while I was in the shower. I noticed, for perhaps the first time, that my initial thought was to push it down. Get rid of the feeling. Instead, today I thought, I am going to think of a healthy and normal way to tell that person why I am upset. I never thought of a way, but at least I realize what I need to do!
I know everything will work out because God is like that. I'm just wondering when and how. I don't know, I guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic.
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