Direct my path, O Lord.

It sounds weird or maybe it doesn't. Honestly, I'm not sure. It could differ depending on who you are while reading this letter. I'll call it a letter because I'm wondering who's reading it and I'm imagining it as a piece of paper crumbled up that you've stumbled upon. In a way you have, minus the tangibleness of this specific piece of information. Probably, it feels more like a letter because it feels more like a journal entry to me. I stopped writing in my journal awhile ago..things like this anyway. I keep the occasional entry of pain or interest, special memory or necessary fact. Regardless, this type of entry I began posting to the world wide web. Why? You must be wondering. You aren't? Well, good. I'm not sure of the answer myself. I like writing on my laptop, honestly. There is less critique on the appearance of my font. What a silly detail to be concerned with, wouldn't you say? I would, but it is unavoidable. I agonize over it. Sometimes I write in cursive, but it reminds me that I used to write in "normal" font and then I wonder why I am being so presumptuous, so I switch to my usual handwriting and I struggle to read my own writing and I see it, in all of it's glorious, rushed sloppiness and I think, "Switch to cursive. It looks better. It is more legible and besides, you've gotten rather good at it (in my thoughts I often say rather and it reminds that I always wanted to be British and I smile)." But anyway, I have this debate with myself about which font to use in my handwriting and it is now so freeing to escape in my thoughts through technology. Less judgement. Imagine that.

I apologize, I've gotten so off track. I meant to begin writing on how it is important to know where you are going before you begin going there. Before I get to that though, I feel like I must share with you why on earth such a topic as this is even on my mind. God's been bringing it up, a lot. Last week I shared that I wanted to write a book. I want to express my ideas on an issue I'm really passionate about and have personal experience in. I want to talk about being a woman and what that means when you reach college age and on, perhaps starting even before college. Actually it could be any age, the dates are only specific for me, but the information doesn't change.

I want to tell people about the pain I experienced because I went off track. I started doing my own thing and I want to show how great God is, in all His glory and splendor because countless times He put me back on track. It's amazing how often He does it for me and I know many other people who are daily affected by His grace as well. I personally couldn't make it through my days or weeks without His interruptions. My life gets muddled when I do it on my own.

Well, as I said, God started speaking to me about a certain area in my life that isn't quite as public as I like to think it would be. To write a book, to publish a novel, on how much God has converted my life would mean wanting to make a very serious claim. It would mean having a legitimate concern that I felt desperately drawn to correcting, at minimum, to helping. That is all fine, except for what I was saying in my heart and my mind weren't always the same thing.

I would feel convicted when I stopped writing. Be it a week or a day, something was missing and I knew, I knew, I wasn't doing all I should be doing or was supposed to do. It didn't feel like I was failing, but like I wasn't being fulfilled or getting my brain turning properly. I was losing oxygen! Compare it to working out and how you feel if you miss a regular trip to the gym or the track or wherever you drop beads. If you aren't into working out, think about missing your regular prayer time, or cup of coffee. You feel off. You know which activity you skipped, but you aren't fully convinced that skipping that week or day would affect you that much. Except that it does and that's how you know. You know it is important to your scheduling. It is a built in piece of your schedule, your life, and you need it to function normally, even optimally. So, I went back to writing, but then something was still lacking. Not during the writing process, but the completion process. I would feel myself drag it out and I prayed hard against feeling doubt. Against feeling like I'm not worthy of introducing the topic or just of having my say in the matter. I prayed about the topic a lot and I think God gave me a new little clue on the subject. Do you mind if I share that with you? (If not, I'm going to continue. If you do, don't keep reading, unless you want to, then by all means, continue...)

I felt convicted. For the last few months I have been in circumstances that went against everything I am going to tell young women to do in the chapters of my book. It isn't that I'm lying to my friends (those who have been in the above listed circumstances) or that I don't fully believe what it is I want to write in my book. But there was this huge, enormous, vast, galactic space between what I wanted to do to help young women throughout the world and those who are at my finger-tips who I get to love on daily and who I love, dearly. See, when a friend of mine goes through a situation, my first instinct is to comfort them, but I'm so soft inside. Comfort, for me, does not come in the form of direct honesty. If I'm feeling fat and crying about it, please don't tell me to put away the candy bar because yes, indeed, you've noticed it too! I need reassurance. All I really want is excuses, but that isn't going to change anything, is it? I'm going to continue beating myself up, but if I don't hear the true answer, the one that will actually help me out of the situation, how can I change?

And see, my friends come to me when they are struggling and I tell them the answer that will make them the most comfortable with the decision they are going to make, regardless of what I say. Or so I think. Maybe they will make a decision, regardless of what I say, but at least they won't have me piling on advice that I don't even stand behind or support. I'm afraid of conflict, to be honest with you. I want to ease the tension (or so I think, maybe my husband would disagree). In my friendships though, I know that to be true. I want to build them up and I never thought I could do that by telling them the truth, the way I saw it, the way I think God would want it to be done. And I don't mean make them feel judged for their decisions either! I mean telling them the exact same thing I'm writing in the book. I mean explaining how hurt I was after I made a similar decision or even what the Bible says on that issue because I believe everything the Bible says to be true and to lead to life and life more abundantly. If I'm not leading my friends to that path, what am I really doing? I feel bad thinking of it, but I still feel frightened to make the change. To begin professing the truth, even in the uncomfortable moments. I pray for strength and wisdom to know when to speak and when to hold my tongue and when to speak with love and when to just walk away and let it be (if ever).

To sum it all up, I finally realized that my final goal is getting to Heaven and I want to take as many people with me as I possibly can. I had this image of getting there and seeing people who are thankful for what I said to them because they all decided to change their lives and then got into Heaven also. Compared with the image of seeing only my family members who have been Christians longer that I have been anyways. Both would be great, but I'm reaching because I want to make a difference. A permanent impact, not a momentary happiness. "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for the day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of His life."Amen.

It's raining out. It's beautiful. God loves you and thinks you're His most precious creation. Remember that in everything you do and remember to keep pressing on until you find what you're looking for. God honors that and promises wisdom. I love that about Him.

Love always,
Jenn

Writing a book...

I thought it would come easily. Perhaps it's because I didn't know what to expect from the process. I thought I had been given an idea to write a book about what women could do to stay on track, to follow Christ, thereby bypassing all the pain and humiliation that I went through. I thought I could give all of the knowledge I had away, but the more time that goes by, I realize I have very little to write about or at least not enough to write a whole book about. Yet, I feel compelled to not give up. I'm reading about Ezekiel, I'm reading about God's wrath on Jerusalem and Israel against those who have turned away from God, who have broken their covenants with Him, and have turned and done their own things. I don't want to do that, let alone think about all the ways I have once done that in my old life. It is sad to read in Ezekiel how God describes His anger towards Jerusalem,  "an Adulterous Wife."

You see, there is a semblance between God's love for her in her youth and how God felt about me, how He feels about us, as children. He says that He sees her and when she is old enough for love, what does He do? Does He throw her to the world and say, "Learn quickly, dear, how to please those around you in order to succeed? To survive?" NO. He tells her, "I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you...and you became mine"(verse 8).

He protected her. He cared for her in a way so soft and gentle and pure that it seems foreign to my jaded-American mind. I find this sort of romance obscure, and enticing. It is so different from not the love stories of our time, but from our realities. So many of us fell prey to hands who hurt us, into paths we thought we could trust only to be deeply and painfully betrayed. A life so wretched we built up our walls and declared that no one, ever again, would possess the power to hurt us. Maybe, like Jerusalem, we turned into those hurt women who "lavished [your] favors on anyone who passed by and [your] beauty became his." Why? Why would we do this? Is it because we had lost our self-respect all those years and times ago of violence or because we learned by example and the proverb that God quotes is unfortunately still true, "Like mother, like daughter."Maybe it isn't your mother and maybe it wasn't mine, but we are led by example and what we saw was women with loose values and tight clothing and we thought that was the example to live by. But, God has redeemed you and He has redeemed me and He is calling us to a higher life-style.

He never stopped thinking of you as beautiful. In fact, at first He provided you with your beauty, your jewels, your provisions, your clothing, and your fame. "But, you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute." Again, why do we do that sort of thing? I wouldn't be able to have an answer for myself, let alone for everyone. What I do know is that God's love can overcome even our darkest deeds, even the one area in our lives that we would hardly be able to forgive someone else in, betrayal. He does though. By the end of the chapter God promises to restore our fortunes along with our sisters' who have committed similar sins, although they are sins of different natures. He says, "I will remember the covenant I made with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with you" (verse 61). All throughout Ezekiel God is raging against the people of Israel and Jerusalem, all to ensure that they will know that He is Lord.

I wondered, at first, why He would do that but when I read this chapter, Chapter 17, I realized how true this story was for me. I had been protected as a small child and favored as a youth and it wasn't until college that I believed that beauty, that attraction, came from somewhere in myself so I began mining a well that was not very deep. In fact, it went dry very quickly and without God, it wasn't being replenished. So, like Jerusalem's sisters, Sodom and Samaria, I found my older, purer sister too good, too matronly and my younger sister too bothersome, too innocent. I shamed myself over and over by seeking lovers who, in God's good plan, would have gone their own ways leaving just one, the right one for me. I got to the point where I could no longer stand. I was alone and weary and needing to renew my covenant with Christ. He came through. He pulled me up from the pit I had so willingly and blindly jumped into. He gently guided me away from shame, from embarrassment and from pain and led me into the arms of my husband. A man who I am learning to trust and who is patient with me. I'm learning to rely on God's promises as well and to know He means it when He says that He will establish a new covenant with us. I want that and I need that and I remember He is the Lord of my life every minute, if not more.

Psalm 51:10

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

SUBMISSION

What a painful topic this used to be for me. Uncomfortable, after the initial anger. I didn't understand it and I certainly didn't like the way it was being talked about. You can imagine how unexpected it was when I finally saw what God was doing in my life in order to bring the topic full circle for me!

It was the last week in my yearly devotional and so depressing was the book of Ezekiel that I almost gave up on the plan! I had two days more and even still it took me a whole week to complete those small, daily devotionals. I found the destruction and wrath all too much while reading Ezekiel, even though I was easily comforted by the chapter from Luke that happened to follow this section of the reading plan. (It is the Robert Roberts plan that pulls a section from both the Old and New Testament). It wasn't until tonight that I realized how wrong my judgement had been at what God was really trying to teach me.

Isn't that what always happens when we try to skim and then think we have it all figured out? Or when you butt in at the tail-end of a conversation only to realize you have completely misunderstood or gotten the "wrong gist" after you had already interjected? Well, at least it's embarrassing and at most it is just plain rude. I had done that to God, unfortunately. I just told my husband this morning that I thought what God was showing me is that we, indeed, need to hold the New Testament at a special place in our hearts and lives. See, if we choose to value one section of the Bible over another, we are missing out on the complete message and lesson from the Lord and Savior. I needed God to elaborate on this fact, obviously. 

I thought, in my little world, that God wanted to show me how important it is to include the New Testament because without it, where would the message of love and grace be? While, in fact, this might be true, I only now am beginning to realize what a vast and rich mine that topic truly is! I prayed tonight and asked God to show me something, anything more. I was longing for an encounter with Him. I felt dry and lonely. Those are the only words to describe the desire, the ache that we can feel when we need something from God. I began reading where the marker had been placed in my Bible, in Joshua, and while it was interesting, I didn't feel drawn there. So, as I flipped the pages, I began to consider Ezekiel again. In short, the Holy Spirit was guiding me there. In long, I began considering that perhaps I had missed something the first choppy time through the book of Ezekiel. 

There have been other times though when I had read something in the Bible that I did NOT like. Then, in indignation and rebellion, I put the Bible aside and silently fumed, or promised to not return to those pages. Of course, in the heat of the moment with my recent situation, it never occurred to me that old patterns die hard. Here I was, three years later and a slightly more seasoned Christian, experiencing the same rub of offense that had threatened my submission to Christ as it had all that time ago. So, what finally happened to make me reconsider?

I wanted to see what it was all about. I have a slightly deeper relationship with Christ now and I honestly felt led to begin at page one, read through the book, and then see where that got me. I began with the introduction. And this is what it says,

"Ezekiel was a man who chose to obey God." He did as much as lie on the side of his body for more than a year because God requested it of him. Can you imagine? Can I? Well, no, honestly. I can't. I choose to do what I want and to go where I want more often than not and I am not proud about this. I have felt God calling me to ask questions, to say things, to reach out to a friend and on more than one occasion, I have denied and opted out for the comfort of my own safety bubble. It is sad, really, when I think of all that God was calling Ezekiel to do. I realize I do this a lot, too. I took what Ezekiel had to say to the Israelites so personally, that I entirely missed the admirable trait of the man that God had decided to work through. It would have been so unpleasant to go to a land of familiar people and to have to tell them all that God's wrath was coming too, only to realize that the people were beginning to hate him and might even rebel once they heard what Ezekiel had to say. But, God had told him not to fear. He told Ezekiel that as the people rebelled against God, so God would harden Ezekiel to the point of disregarding their disobedience, allowing Ezekiel to excel in his submission to the Lord. It is truly a beautiful thing to read how completely Ezekiel gets blessed by his commitment, too! In one of the first recorded visions in Ezekiel, in Chapter One, Verse 28 this is how Ezekiel describes his encounter with the glory of the Lord. "Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him."

I don't know about you, but the beauty of a rainbow has quite literally stopped me in my tracks before. There is no doubting the effect they have on me. To imagine God's glory like this is exciting. I can only wish that I might also have a similar encounter and now I pray for the obedience and submission that Ezekiel was able to show to God on that day and on every day after. Even when his tasks seemed ridiculous or impossible. That is something I can really look up to and hopefully I'll enjoy doing it. :)

On Pride

When I first began thinking about pride, it became an overwhelming topic that felt more like falling down the rabbit hole than providing any release. Once I became aware of pride in my life, I felt like a surgeon who needed to scalpel out any inclining of pride, or self-worth. I didn't understand what pride was except for a vague notion of it being walking around haughtily and feeling impenetrable. All of those things began to fall out of my life, but it wasn't making me any happier and I sure wasn't living my life more biblically. I believed I was humbling myself, but it was more like denying the person God had created me to be.

While reading in the book of 2 Chronicles, I read about a king named Hezekiah. That's where I'll really begin:

2 Chronicles 24-27.
"In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. He prayed to the Lord, who answered him and gave him a miraculous sign. But Hezekiah's heart was proud and he did not respond to the kindness shown him; therefore the Lord's wrath was on him and on Judah and Jerusalem. Then Hezekiah repented of the pride in his heart, as did the people of Jerusalem; therefore the Lord's wrath did not come on them during the days of Hezekiah. Hezekiah had very great wealth and honor, and he made treasuries for his silver and gold and his precious stones, spices, shields, and all kinds of valuables."

I read that Hezekiah was proud, but I still didn't really grasp what pride was. So, down at the bottom of my Bible there are some helpful notes. I checked them out. It turns out I found this definition,

         "Pride is any attitude that elevates our effort or abilities above God's, or treats with disdain his work in us. It causes us to congratulate ourselves for our successes and to look down on other people."

Wow. What a relief reading that was for me! It gave me a sense of freedom in that I can love what I do, even be happy with the work of my life, but that isn't necessarily pride! As long as I acknowledge that God is the creator, that God makes it possible for all things to be completed or to happen, and that it is God's work in me that has guided me thus far. Additionally, that my accomplishments do not elevate me above the position of anyone else, no matter what, is a great source of joy for me. It makes sense, finally! So, maybe you had this all figured out already, but I am so thankful for the revelation! :)
I hope everyone's day is blessed and prosperous.
Love,
Jenn

Any given day of the week ;)

What keeps us down? Thinking negatively. Is it beneficial to think you can't or will you succeed far more when you think that you can?

I'm not sure what I'm writing right now, I'm tightly coiled and trying to relax. It has been a day full of family, full of shopping, full of good things, but also short on personal time or space. I love my family and this need for time away has nothing to do with my feelings changing towards my husband, or towards my sister, or my step-dad or my mom. See, I used to think that it did. I used to be haunted by these feelings, but I'm starting to realize that perhaps we all get them and what matters is what we do in moments like these. I need to write, I need to run, I'm fighting off anxiety. I need more to my life, I, I, I. Am I really so selfish? God, I wish you would lead me. What is it you would have me to do? Why can't I feel whole and complete in every moment?...

Today was good. We went to the movies, saw The Hobbit. I've literally been waiting for more than a year to see that film. And it was awesome!
It got me thinking about the connections between that world and the biblical world. Dragons and giants, heros and courage. Hidden treasures and how they eat at your heart. Relationships and hope. Hope for a happy ending when all you might see is persistent corruption. One difference between the film and real life, the ugly side is plain out hideous. No glitter and glam covering up those evil minions. Nowadays, it isn't so easy to tell! What is evil? Where is the "good side?" On whose side can we cling when all hope seems to be lost? Who would you go to if you knew you were the last one holding onto a vision of restoration for a lost cause, that glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel? All questions from The Hobbit, but of course, they really come from the conception of an idea from J.R.R. Tolkien. It was genius, really. A world outside of our own that allows people to hope because we don't realize that is what we are doing while watching a film. Hoping for the good guys to win, hoping for a rescue mission from every trap the heros fall in.
Hope is so far gone from today that some choose to mock those who insist on believing. Am I wrong? How do children treat that one child in their class who still naively brightens at the thought of Santa visiting on Christmas Eve? That child is mocked and scorned and perhaps worse yet, is told he or she is wrong. It sounds cruel right, but how much crueler are those who have lost their faith in a Heavenly Father, the giver of all good things, to those who firmly choose to believe? They mock, they curse, they raise themselves up superiorly and "explain" how Jesus couldn't possibly exist. But, Jesus isn't a man who rides on a sleigh, nor is his existence tangible. It is, however, the same as love. You feel it, you experience it's existence and therefore know it is real. Now, I'm willing to bet if you have given up on Christ than you might not be so keen on the idea of love, so let's say believing in Christ is the same as what you feel when you are having fun. You know you feel it, it takes you over, you begin smiling, laughing, perhaps becoming so out of your mind that you forget yourself all together and look at the communal laughter spreading around the room. That's fun, or joy. Something Jesus promises to you when you choose to believe in him.
So, the difference between Santa and Jesus? One's gift is wrapped and put under a tree while the other's presence will never go out of style, and once you have it, you can give it away and still have plenty enough to keep. Jesus is good, is what I'm trying to say. During a time in my life when I could feel down and out, grumpy and stressed, or  addicted to booze and out on the streets, I'm turning to the one I call my saviour and I'm standing up and believing in Faith. I'm holding on to Hope. I'm asking others to love one another and to spread good cheer. I want as many as can to hear about Jesus because I'm starting to reason that His love is the best gift I have EVER received. Maybe I'm lucky to have the mother I have, the husband I do, the family who cares so much about one another, but I don't think so. I don't believe in coincidences that strong, otherwise I'd have won more raffles and hit the jackpot at least once all those years ago.
I heard it said once that what you have when you have Christ is not richness in gold, but wealth in relationships and ever since last year, this time exactly, I have had just that. I love God and all the amazing things that have happened in my life since I gave Him my heart. I'm so thankful and grateful and, I'm learning, gratitude can take you a very long way.
I pray I can keep this joy. I pray that we can put an end to negativity. I pray that you hear these words and allow your hope to be (re)kindled, that you will allow yourself to believe that the maker of the heavens and the earth has thoughtfully formed you, that He loves you inside and out and wants you to get to a place where you can curl up in a ball, blanket draped snugly over your body and rest. That you can rest softly in His presence and think of all that you've done and have peace and then, to go one step further, that maybe the next time you are laying down and realizing how much love you have, you will be encouraged to give some of it back to the people surrounding you. I pray blessings around you and your family and that you get all that you are willing to give. God willing. Good night and good year! May we all have the courage to do what we dream of and the blessings and grace to achieve that and that the warmth to continue giving. Amen and Merry Christmas,
love always and sincerely,
Jennifer Cotham.
Sweet Dreams!!! :)

My life is like...

When it comes to blogging, I'm doing fine. I feel adequate and comfortable. When it comes to laundry, I check it off my list. I'm going along "doing just fine" and then, "Wham!" It hits me. I haven't a thing to do in my world that has meaning or creates an impression of who I am. Am I being negative? I have titles, Christian, Wife, Daughter, Cousin, Aunt, Friend and each position has adjectives attached: nice, cute, friendly, hopeful, fun, strict, moody, loving, compassionate, reliable, responsible, prompt, selfless, but at other times very much selfish. There are duties, also, that I am required to do in each position that I fill: call, talk, share, love, caress, feed, nourish, play, laugh, speak, pray, pray, and pray. I am required to do dishes and other chores, write, read, and maintain an approachable level of hygiene (this one is demanding in more than one surprising category). The point is, I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders at the moment, but the truth is, God does not require us to fulfill any societal pressures. The most reassuring verse in the Bible, for now, came from Proverbs 31 because it taught me to pray that my husband would have full confidence in me as his wife. If he feels confident in me, then I suppose I should feel the same as well. If I'm praying for everyone else, I have many more people to pray for me, too. In every situation I could think about what I give out or what I gain in return. The second category is FAR weightier than the first. Think about it, I do minimal work for my mother, but in return receive love when I pray, when I see my husband, when I see my mom, etc. It is an amazing cycle.
I have a great life. I eat when I want to, more often than not. I can bundle up when I get cold or use the air-conditioner when I am warm. I have a shower to use daily, if not, extravagant as it is, twice a day! My clothes are easily cleaned in the washing machine and dried in a similar fashion. I have books to read and all the opportunity in the world to educate myself. I don't want to squander any of it and I don't want to mumble along the way... I am struggling for self-expression when all the while it is me who threatens my ability to see myself clearly. What seems to be the problem? I grow stagnant. I get bored. I get greedy and I get complacent. What is it I would like to do?
I would like to write a book. I would like to love people and give them hope. I would like to fulfill my calling, I would like to be adventurous, I would like to live vibrantly, I would like to talk to people and encourage them, I would like to stop sweating the small things, I would like to worry less, I would like to walk my dog more often, I would like to show more love to my siblings, I would like to everyday pour all that I have out of me, I would like to bury fear and doubt and repression, I would like to kick any lies about those three former things square in the mouth and then stomp on their heads. I would like to know what makes me tick, what makes me smile and pursue those things, I would like to know the balance between pride and confidence, I would like to have confidence in my actions and in every moment in between. I would like to pursue my goals and my dreams, I would like to feel supported by my loved ones, I would like to embrace change and I would like to communicate more easily. I would like to rip the curtain away from the window in order to see every flaw and perfection more clearly, I would like to embrace my life more fully. I would like to live my life like never before and like I am no longer waiting for anyone else to get me going. I am no longer going to be held back by the small things, but I would like to wake up with a running start, no matter what it is that I'll be doing. We come into this world kicking and screaming and I intend, to the best of my ability, to go out exactly the same way.

Almost a new year!!!!

If I had anything to believe, it would be this. That NOTHING could separate us from Christ. Not the knowledge of sin in our lives, not rebellion, not an ugly heart, not the criticisms or judgements from anyone else, but that God loves us. No matter what. 

Romans 8:34- 39 "Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I rely on Christ to strengthen me and I believe in Him through faith and hope. Hope. Hoping that what I believe, what I walk by daily, what I turn to in an argument for the right words, the words which bring peace, all of those things I hope in, would be true. I hope because it makes me happy. It makes me gleeful to think that what I read during that fight were "coincidentally" the same verses from my daily devotional, which I read some hours later in the day. That's called the Holy Spirit speaking to me. No, it isn't a voice in my head. Thank the Lord. It is concrete evidence that there is, and can be, more to this life than mtv or celebrities would lead you to believe. Does it take a leap of faith? Yes. Is it contrary to what we are taught to do, ever since we stopped believing in Santa Claus? Yes. Is it absolutely worth it and can it be measured based on spiritual growth, maturity and health? Yes. Yes, actual physical health will improve as you follow God. I don't know how. I might never understand, but I'm believing and the more I do, the more in awe I become. The more I can't live my life with out Jesus, on a daily basis. As I look back on this year, I'm amazed at how everything has turned out. I might not be where I thought I was going to be as I left my college town one year ago today (maybe a day or two less) but I'm so much better than then. Its a blessing to have added Christ to my life and I'm looking for the next year so I can see all the changes and blessings He adds to my life. It's a good thing to be a Christian and I look forward to celebrating Christ's birthday, not the presents under a tree. 

As always, I hope everyone is having a good day and that hope abounds in our lives even more than ever before!

Love sincerely,

Jenn